Friday, 5 August 2016
This started off as a much needed clear out of my late husband's stuff. Stuff had to be burned. Much of his research work involved interviewing category C prisoners, this was stuff that needed obliterating. I'd successfully seen to all the digital material some years ago. The volumes of paper needed tackling. Today seemed like a good day. The farmers were doing something similar in the nearby fields. A bit more smoke wouldn't be noticed.
Paper doesn't burn very well. There is an art to keeping the incinerator going and stopping it smoking.
I like the irreversibility of burning. Stuff just goes.
It was just a bit more difficult letting go of my own stuff. Several weeks back the cottage had a serious attack of mildew. It was virtually overnight. I told one of the men in black and he raised a thoughtful eyebrow and suggested I get the place reblessed. He may be onto something, he may not. One has to be careful who one prays for, there can be consequences, but if the worst the enemy can do is make a mess of my furniture and stain a wall, then so be it. Praising God, liberal doses of Old Rite Holy Water and a dehumidifier work wonders. The alternative theory for the mildew was a man-made change in the microclimate around the north facing wall which is made of very porous chalk lumps. The sad thing was that the sum total of all my academic work in Physics was left a soggy, stinky mess; from A'level to the completion of my Thesis the whole lot, gone. It wasn't in a great state before this, it had been stored in various unsuitable places over the years. Digitally, there was nothing apart from some 3 and 1/2 inch floppy discs (showing my age). My achievements were all on paper.
It was the burning of the rotten lab books that really hurt. Damn, I was good! I was neat, I was thorough and the work was cool. I have just one academic paper to my name. There should have been more. Those lab books mostly contained work I was doing for greater beings, higher up the food chain than I. One never gets any credit for doing this type of work.
I now have nothing to show for my life in my late teens and well into my twenties. It has all gone. Perhaps one day this will feel liberating. Right now it hurts, oh the vanity, oh the pride! Though the irony of my main love in Physics being the Second Law of Thermodynamics, irreversibility and Entropy has not been lost on me.