Thursday, 28 July 2016

Bad Sex

The increased activity on this little blog is mainly due to the fact I am still orbiting planet Gove.  It is amazing how the mind wishes to take you down other paths and away from what you ought to be doing when what you are doing is tedious and involves long periods of silence and monotony. In space no one can hear you scream.


 My holiday is still being spent developing the Physics courses for next year at school following on from Gove's reforms.   It is dull work, though it will be worth it in the long run.  I'd be tarred and feathered by my colleagues if I actually admitted to them that what he set in motion is actually good.  However, I tend to see all educational reforms as 'opportunities', and this opportunity is actually worth taking seriously.  It is not all work, I'm taking days off and those days I am working, I spend a few hours where I morph into Mrs Tiggywinkle and immerse myself in clerical laundry and mending.

I'm rambling. This post is about bad sex and I'll now get to the point.

It is school related in that whilst I'm deliberately kept away from having any input into the pupils' personal health and social development programme (being a Catholic seems to prohibit me from having any sense in the matter), there are many things that I've had to speak up about.... I don't ever take a moral view with the pupils... it doesn't work... and essentially the only way to avoid moral relativism (mine against theirs) is to avoid morals altogether.

Picture the scene: the pupils enter your class having just come from some 'lesson' on sexual health, they are carrying goodie bags containing glow-in-the dark sperm shaped key rings, biros with information written on them about where to get free contraception or leaflets about 'growing up' and exploring sexuality. Hey, I'm only employed to teach Physics, but such things cannot go unchallenged, and a 5 minute 'rant' leaves me feeling better and gives them something to think about...

(for pupils aged 16 or over):
What have you got there?  Oh so this school is now educating you in a thousand ways to have bad sex.  How mediocre, how unchallenging, how dull [waving a plastic sperm in the air]. Sex using contraception will always be bad sex.  Condoms?  Nah, like having a bath with your socks on.  Why?  Oh, so this is about 'safe sex' is it?  So sex is inherently dangerous?  Make sure you and your partner are both virgins, stick with that partner for life and you'll never need barrier protection from infection, because you'll never have a sexual infection. Simple, heh. Oh, I see, so it is also about not making babies, is it?  Well, isn't that what sex is for?  Surely the ultimate expression of sexual love is in being open to new life?  When two people are involved in an act of total self-giving, when something is happening that is meant to be happening, then it will be good. Sex with contraception is bad sex. What did you just ask? What about 2 gay people who love each other?  They don't need contraception. Yes, you are right (provided there is no chance of STDs), but nor can they have sex.  What they are doing is not sex. The bits don't fit properly, it is not sex, it is mutual masturbation not sexual intercourse. And this is the point, all sex with contraception is also an act of mutual masturbation, you enter into a contract with the other person to supply you with some pleasure, whilst you give them some pleasure in return.  These acts are essentially selfish and have nothing to do with love and once you have engaged in them it is too late.  Once some spotty youth is humping away on you, oblivious to your needs and you realise that if you suddenly turned into a watermelon he wouldn't notice, it is too late, there is no beauty in the act, and you are worth infinitely more than that.  Protect yourself from vodka fueld fumblings on a trip Newquay, protect yourself from seeking pleasures that are not actually that good.  The day somebody tells me I'm wrong and that their first sexual encounters as teenagers weren't phenomenally disappointing, is the day I will stop ranting. But nobody ever does.......

And why do I mention this?  Partly mulling over a conversation I'd had over the weekend with someone entering the teaching profession.... partly I'm just wondering for how long I'll be able to be let loose on your sons and daughters, I cannot follow instructions and teach them as I'm supposed to....