Sunday, 25 October 2015

Lost....

This is a post about post-synod fatigue.... and I wasn't even following it closely!

I have found peace in the Church, a peace the world cannot give.  She has fed me, she gave me nourishment through the Sacraments that flowed through her from God.  Her light and her wisdom are not Her own, they come from God, IS God, GLORIFIES GOD.

I have been through much, yet Christ has been by my side and Holy Scripture has ever been my consolation.  The Church has been my rock: Triumphant, Militant and Suffering.  The Church is One, Holy and Catholic.  The Church is timeless because Her Spouse is the same yesterday, today and forever.  She walks to Calvary at His side, her bridal attire in shreds, her glory hidden in His suffering, and He feeds Her, He consoles Her, He dignifies Her with the shedding of His Precious Blood, because He loves Her, madly, passionately, eternally and in covenant.  He is a fool for Her and we must be a fool for Him.  And through a glass dimly, we see something of Her true beauty,  Her marriage to her Spouse is the eternal delight in the house of the Father.

So, blindly and trustingly, at all hours of the day and night, willingly and unwillingly, with good heart and hardened heart, in season and out of season, I have done my best to follow Him.  I have had to rely on my intellect; weakness and illness injured my will and my heart is damaged and unreliable.  And He has been there for me and He leads me on......

He set me in Psalm 118.  I love Him, He is the Law, my intellect knows it and heart and my will consent.  He forever reveals the light of His Law , it grows and the more I see, the more I seek, the deeper it becomes and the less "I" understand.......  I simply follow where His Law takes me, I surrender all to that.....

And so this little sheep finds herself at the end of that long Psalm.  I have followed the Law, it has been my delight, I have become intoxicated with its beauty and like a drunk man after all the pubs have shut, I'm staggering down the road alone.  I am a lost sheep, I can't find the flock, and I can't see the shepherd, my intoxication is my isolation and now I am helpless....


Let thy hand be with me to save me;
for I have chosen thy precepts.
I have longed for thy salvation, O Lord
and thy law is my meditation.
My soul shall live and shall praise thee;
and thy judgements shall help me.
I have gone astray like a sheep that is lost;
seek thy servant, 
because I have not forgotten thy commandments.
[Ps 118: 173-176]

I am bleating alone in a damp and desolate place with my intellect screaming at me that it simply can't understand anymore, that the Church simply does not make sense, that all clarity has gone....

And whilst my bleating is pathetic, weak willed, not entirely kindhearted and decidedly stubborn, I am bleating ¡Viva Cristo Rey ! and I ask for His Mercy.


1 comment:

Catpuss said...

Thank you for a profound and beautiful post. I read you often and rarely comment on blogs. I look forward to your posts.