Friday, 4 November 2011

The Devil opines.....

I've been following these last few posts with interest. I like nothing better than watching strife and tetchyness between Catholics who should be on the same side...being the original lazy arsed sloth, and by far the most accomplished one at that, it is my great pleasure to do nothing and watch my work being done for me. Well, it was originally my work that meant that people lost the ability to comprehend each other, so I have to take some credit for it. A little pat on the back for yours truly, I have this amazing ability to do my own work even without doing it. I'm just so fantastic, don't you think.

I'll tell you what I hate though. What I hate most about mortal man is priests. They should be all mine but they are not. They are a bunch of weak, pathetic, insecure, vulnerable men and I love to torment them, but so few of them fall, it makes me quite mad. Mind you, I'm not always lazy, what makes me really livid and really fires me up is a very holy priest and for him I'll even venture onto the sanctuary (do you know how foul that place is, the stench nearly does for me). I can give him sudden violent pain, I can make the text in the Missal wobble comically before his eyes, I can suggest highly inappropriate thoughts and images, and I can induce blackness, emptyness and unbelief. I do most of my damage to him in the presbytery but a little nudge in the sanctuary really brings him down. A moments distraction in his prayer and whap, in I go.

I also hate children, I mean really hate them. Why do people still bother having them? What are they for? Still, they sometimes unwittingly add to my mirth, sweet little dears. I'll give you an example. There is a priest I know, who is pretty low. He feels let down by his bishop, he feels totally over worked, and he is very lonely. When I've worked him up to a high level of self pity he really is a complete wretch and then I drop the killer suggestion to him your parish don't even respect you, it doesn't matter how often you ask for fractious children to be taken out at Mass, they never are, they're ruining it for you aren't they, nothing is beautiful anymore, nothing feels sacred, there are no spiritual consolations, everything is drudgery, oh and you are sooo lonely, why not give it all up, eh? The man is a living wreck AND he's losing his faith. SCORE!!! Well not quite. He doggedly clings to his priesthood, but I'm working on that. Every time a child misbehaves during Mass, I'm just stand at the back laughing at this priest and say nothing to do with me mate, you're feeling sooo bad and soooo unloved and it soooo has nothing to do with me. Haa Haa!

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