Here is how married life is for me whilst my husband remains unconscious and fighting for his life.
Intensive Care is amazing and the nursing staff and doctors are inspired. However it is not a place I can linger in. I am made to feel welcome and they always have time to speak to me about my concerns, however, it is exhausting for me to watch and pray there. The mask of sickness that obscures my husband is both grotesque and strangely beautiful, but it is hard to look through this mask and touch his soul. I have to come away.
I have been very fortunate to have been able to get to Mass nearly every day since he went into hospital. It is at Mass where Love and Truth are presented to us and where shadows of anxiety, fatigue and loneliness are transformed into something beautiful and sustaining (even if exactly what is just out of reach). It is before the Blessed Sacrament that I can be closest to my husband by placing everything in our lives before Our Lord.
Back at home, there are certain domestic chores that have to be done and which can become a prayer in themselves; cooking, cleaning, washing, ironing, light gardening all done with cloistered silence and steady care are both therapeutic and of more significance than the sum of their parts. They can still the body and still the mind. This is very different from the frantic cleaning and tidying I indulged in whilst the adrenaline was still kicking around in the early days of this situation. Being busy for the sake of it, is something worth ditching; hyperactivity and me do not get on.
I am continuing to go to work. That is therapy too, of sorts. My employers are very considerate. And it is good to be laughed at by my 11 year old pupils for getting a simple addition sum very wrong.....
Married life continues, it is important I keep it prayerful and still, he has not left me and I will not let go of him until told to by the Lord.