Thursday, 11 February 2010

Default Setting

Whilst my fluctuating insulin levels are causing some interest in medical circles, they are causing me some grief. My brain just will not function properly and neither will my muscles.

What is interesting to me is what I can do on auto-pilot, what I call my "default setting". It is Physics. Teaching is not easy at the moment, holding a conversation is difficult, watching the television makes me dizzy, lower school science makes no sense, blogging and reading blogs is muddling my already addled thoughts, reading books is a waste of time (I cannot retain any information) but I have no difficulty preparing a course for my yr13s on rotational dynamics. Weird, deep down the Physics must be tattooed onto the grey matter. I don't know whether I'm comforted by this or not. It must mean I actually know some Physics and know it better than I thought possible.

I've tried meditating on what it actually means to "know" something, but my brain will not let me go there.

In a similar, yet infinitely more profound way, I "know" my faith. In my illness, it is becoming more and more real, a dynamic, living and growing presence within me. I do not know where this is leading me but I can honestly say I have a sense of excitement about the future (not yet joy, some trepidation, but definitely excitement). What greater gift could anyone want than to have faith, hope and love as default settings? But isn't that what God has given every one of us?

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

My son went through and goes through the "fog brain" thing too. Truly nasty and makes him feel like he's going mad. He was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes last may.
I have to laugh sometimes.
Medics say to my 20 yr old about how he can have a "normal life". Yeah right- we've noticed. NOT.
I am sorry you are both going through such a time of it.
Sometimes I wish we had the American health system. All the USA mums I know with kids with t1d get a better service.

I guess you wont need to give up for lent-just offer up ;)
God bless