....but who is home?
This post is about trying to blog in 2009. It hasn’t been easy.
I’ll put no hyperlinks in this post, you know who you are.
Some bloggers have just vanished. Perhaps they have too much work to do? Perhaps they have nothing to say? I don’t know, but I do know that often the busier you are the more the blog posts flow. I know I miss these bloggers.
Some bloggers have left and said goodbye. They are missed too, but they have their reasons for saying farewell.
Some bloggers have simply had a dreadful year and real life has overwhelmed them and made blogging difficult.
To all of you, my heartfelt prayers.
I myself have had a difficult year for many reasons. I am trying to continue blogging but it is not easy. However, it is often just about the only real witness I can give to my faith. This is sad. But in my job, there is so much compromise between what I am and what I am employed to do, that beyond seeing it as a way to keep a roof over my head, it is far from being a calling. I need to blog to reconcile the contemplative life within me to the active life that others see me in. It helps form a bridge between the two.
My active spiritual life is always centred round my marriage. The other aspects of it this year have mainly revolved around the dying and the dead.
What is missing is a broader feeling of community with living breathing Catholics. Yup, I know this should come through my parish, but it doesn’t. They also, rightly centre their apostolate around their families and those they care for. But being English, we are all so tight a**ed, about involving each other, helping each other, asking each other to pray for us and our needs, helping each other be obedient to Holy Mother Church. Also in a rural community like ours, the next nearest parishioners are 4 miles away, it isn’t a tight knit community.
Bizarrely, it is the internet, where you can let your guard down, be vulnerable, ask for support. It is easier on-line to find and express the caritas that is so hard to grasp in the muddled world outside.
However my lack of posts recently is due to two things, firstly, whatever is wrong with me is making thinking difficult and typing takes forever. I have to write everything in Word first and re read it many times because putting sense in to words is so difficult for me at the moment. Secondly, the whole Irish Abuse Scandal hurts deeply. I have reasonable credentials to be Irish, I was born in Dublin and Baptised in St. Andrews on Westland Row, but I just don’t feel Irish. The hurt comes from the real sense of damage the whole thing has done to the mystical Body of Christ, through the sheer number of souls that are affected. Such a betrayal of Jesus has taken place that we are all wounded. The staggering silence (from a pastoral perspective) from our own hierarchy only adds to the sense of how fallen we are.
I have been wanting to scream the Safeguarding policies, screening and enhanced disclosures will NOT protect us from evil, only prayer and fasting will do that.
Maybe it is just better to shut up.