Monday, 28 December 2009

The lights are on ....

....but who is home?



This post is about trying to blog in 2009. It hasn’t been easy.

I’ll put no hyperlinks in this post, you know who you are.

Some bloggers have just vanished. Perhaps they have too much work to do? Perhaps they have nothing to say? I don’t know, but I do know that often the busier you are the more the blog posts flow. I know I miss these bloggers.

Some bloggers have left and said goodbye. They are missed too, but they have their reasons for saying farewell.

Some bloggers have simply had a dreadful year and real life has overwhelmed them and made blogging difficult.

To all of you, my heartfelt prayers.

I myself have had a difficult year for many reasons. I am trying to continue blogging but it is not easy. However, it is often just about the only real witness I can give to my faith. This is sad. But in my job, there is so much compromise between what I am and what I am employed to do, that beyond seeing it as a way to keep a roof over my head, it is far from being a calling. I need to blog to reconcile the contemplative life within me to the active life that others see me in. It helps form a bridge between the two.

My active spiritual life is always centred round my marriage. The other aspects of it this year have mainly revolved around the dying and the dead.

What is missing is a broader feeling of community with living breathing Catholics. Yup, I know this should come through my parish, but it doesn’t. They also, rightly centre their apostolate around their families and those they care for. But being English, we are all so tight a**ed, about involving each other, helping each other, asking each other to pray for us and our needs, helping each other be obedient to Holy Mother Church. Also in a rural community like ours, the next nearest parishioners are 4 miles away, it isn’t a tight knit community.

Bizarrely, it is the internet, where you can let your guard down, be vulnerable, ask for support. It is easier on-line to find and express the caritas that is so hard to grasp in the muddled world outside.

However my lack of posts recently is due to two things, firstly, whatever is wrong with me is making thinking difficult and typing takes forever. I have to write everything in Word first and re read it many times because putting sense in to words is so difficult for me at the moment. Secondly, the whole Irish Abuse Scandal hurts deeply. I have reasonable credentials to be Irish, I was born in Dublin and Baptised in St. Andrews on Westland Row, but I just don’t feel Irish. The hurt comes from the real sense of damage the whole thing has done to the mystical Body of Christ, through the sheer number of souls that are affected. Such a betrayal of Jesus has taken place that we are all wounded. The staggering silence (from a pastoral perspective) from our own hierarchy only adds to the sense of how fallen we are.

I have been wanting to scream the Safeguarding policies, screening and enhanced disclosures will NOT protect us from evil, only prayer and fasting will do that.


Maybe it is just better to shut up.

5 comments:

Tom in Vegas said...

Well, Rita, I have not abandoned you or ignored you my friend, but I have been rather busy with school, work, and taking care of my parents. This past weekend was the first weekend I've had without any classes, and I was able to catch up on much of my blogging related activity.

I will keep you in my prayers so that whatever challenges you face health wise will soon dissipate and leave you along.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to you and your husband.

Ttony said...

Don't shut up!

I needed to get my mind around the relationship between me, parish, diocese and Catholic blogosphere, though mainly me, so just announced that I was stopping for a while.

"I'm having a break but will be back shortly."

Please don't stop.

Rita said...

Gentlemen,

Many thanks for your support.

mum6kids said...

I hope 2010 is a better year, for all of us. I think this year has been a bit of a doozy quite frankly for quite a lot of people it seems.
I still have your snail mail address- we could write to one another? I too often find being Catholic, not so much a lonely as an 'alone' experience. Even in the parish, and we have a fairly good parish, there isn't many people truly orthodox or willing to explore questions.
I too find blogging the best way to bare witness and say things I hesitate to say otherwise-especially about Pro-life and family matters.
Keep blogging if you can. It is a witness and I think an important one.
God bless you.

Mrs.Pogle said...

"I too often find being Catholic, not so much a lonely as an 'alone' experience. Even in the parish, and we have a fairly good parish, there isn't many people truly orthodox or willing to explore questions."

mum6kids, I could have written that myself! I too feel alone at Church, except when I attend the TLM once a month, when I feel a sense of belonging :¬)

I was very sparse in my blogging in the months up to Christmas, Rita. I have resolved to try harder this year (as my school reports used to say "must try harder"!!) But you are never far away from my thoughts and prayers, and one of the people who always comments, even on my sporadic posting.

God bless you and your husband in 2010, in every way.

Your friend,
Mrs.P xx