Monday, 5 October 2009

Thank you ....

Thank you dear friends for your prayers and support.

I'm afraid that coming from a medical background means I'm highly cynical about aspects of the medical profession and the NHS. If we can communicate with each other and they are as objective as possible without playing at being minor deities or second rate accountants then it will be a blessing.

Our Lord is the only physician that counts! And I am going to see one of His best senior registrars, St Therese, this week.

Don't get me wrong, I haven't as yet been able to join in with the great St Therese love-in. However it has been a couple of very bizarre weeks. Despite or maybe because I find her so difficult, I decided to organise minibus for those nearby who wished to visit the relics. I'm immersing myself in things Theresian and this too is proving very difficult. I keep telling myself that she was a seeker after the truth and as truth cannot contradict truth, I must be able to find Truth through her.

Instead all I had, up till today, was a heady cloud of jealousy over her "holy daring", the unconditional love of her parents, the good Catholic childhood that she had...and everything else I could possibly be jealous over about her. It was a real inner struggle. I felt like I was one of her diabolical tormentors in her last year and I felt like a worm for being like that. I also felt extreme anger, indeed I shocked myself at how angry I felt that freeze dried rose petals were for sale at the back of the Oxford Oratory this weekend ahead of her visit. Get thee behind me, Luther.

And all the time, I've worn the mask, making sure the visit or our minibus will be a success. Organising it to make sure it will be as prayerful a visit as possible. All the time beating myself up for being a hypocrite.

Well, that cloud has lifted today.....I sincerely feel ready to visit the Oxford Oratory when she visits.

Thank you for your prayers. My illness seems currently to be irrelevant. I know what I have to concentrate on, with all my will, all my intellect and most importantly, all my heart.

4 comments:

Mrs.Pogle said...

I am sure Therese is smiling on you right now Rita ~ she, better than anyone, knows what it is to struggle with another person as she did do often in Carmel :¬)

I believe that God can transform our jealousy into a desire to emulate the person we are jealous of, so it becomes a "holy envy" ~ I pray that this will be the case for you, and that you are truly blessed when you visit Therese. I hope you find it as special an experience as I did at liverpool!

God bless,
Mrs.P xx

mum6kids said...

I am impressed with the battle you have fought so hard. I too still find dear ol' Therese a bit hard on the Pancreas. I have read a good little children's biography that didn't leave me wanting to reach for my son's insulin pen; so that's a start.
May she shower her roses on you and I truly pray you will find healing.
For all will be well, all will be well and all manner of things will be well.
God bless
Ps Have a quick word with her for me ;)

Anonymous said...

Perhaps the most honest site I have come across in years as to the internal struggles of the soul.
Never stop writing.

Mac McLernon said...

Wanting the trip to be as prayerful as possible for the others who will be going, despite your own ambivalence, isn't hypocritical.

After all, think of all the saints who encouraged others to pray and trust in God while going through their own dark nights of the soul and spiritual deserts and whatnot.

Feeling uninspired and trying to dissuade others from visiting the relics, THAT would be wrong.

What you have done is quite the opposite... and it will bring you blessings - in eternity, if not now!