Thank you dear friends for your prayers and support.
I'm afraid that coming from a medical background means I'm highly cynical about aspects of the medical profession and the NHS. If we can communicate with each other and they are as objective as possible without playing at being minor deities or second rate accountants then it will be a blessing.
Our Lord is the only physician that counts! And I am going to see one of His best senior registrars, St Therese, this week.
Don't get me wrong, I haven't as yet been able to join in with the great St Therese love-in. However it has been a couple of very bizarre weeks. Despite or maybe because I find her so difficult, I decided to organise minibus for those nearby who wished to visit the relics. I'm immersing myself in things Theresian and this too is proving very difficult. I keep telling myself that she was a seeker after the truth and as truth cannot contradict truth, I must be able to find Truth through her.
Instead all I had, up till today, was a heady cloud of jealousy over her "holy daring", the unconditional love of her parents, the good Catholic childhood that she had...and everything else I could possibly be jealous over about her. It was a real inner struggle. I felt like I was one of her diabolical tormentors in her last year and I felt like a worm for being like that. I also felt extreme anger, indeed I shocked myself at how angry I felt that freeze dried rose petals were for sale at the back of the Oxford Oratory this weekend ahead of her visit. Get thee behind me, Luther.
And all the time, I've worn the mask, making sure the visit or our minibus will be a success. Organising it to make sure it will be as prayerful a visit as possible. All the time beating myself up for being a hypocrite.
Well, that cloud has lifted today.....I sincerely feel ready to visit the Oxford Oratory when she visits.
Thank you for your prayers. My illness seems currently to be irrelevant. I know what I have to concentrate on, with all my will, all my intellect and most importantly, all my heart.