tigerish waters

Surge, amica mea

2012-02-11T21:11:00.005Z

On the feat of St Scholasitca, yesterday, Father reminded us of how St Benedict had the vision of his sister's soul ascending to heaven as a dove.

The folllowing came to mind:

Surge, amica mea, speciosa mea
et veni, columba mea
in foraminibus petrae
in caverna maceriae.

Arise, my love, my beautiful one,
and come;
my dove in the cleft of the rock,
in the hollow places in the wall.

Not because I know the Song of Songs that well, but because of the thing of beauty it has been fashioned into. Dietrich Buxtehude and St Bernard of Clairvaux joined forces to produce a profound meditation on the wound in the side of Our Lord. And maybe no coincidence, but the text forms the gradual of today's Mass for the Feast of Our Lady of Lourdes.

Just beautiful, just beautiful

Hail redeeming side,
where is concealed sweet honey;
where is laid out the vigour of love,
and whence surges forth the fountain of blood
that cleanses soiled hearts.

Behold I approach thee
-save me, Jesus, if I transgress-
my forehead bowed down,
to thee, however I come of my own accord,
to examine thy wounds.

At the hour of my death let my breath
enter, O Jesus, thy side,
that expiring it may go to thee,
lest the fierce lion invade it,
and may live eternally in thee.

Ad Jesum per Mariam

...the future?

2012-02-08T19:49:00.002Z

Just what are the current threats to the Church from within?

I'm asking this question, because it interests me. And as blogs are entirely self-serving, here are my answers to my own question. I ask the question because whilst I know the "gates of Hell will not prevail", I'm sure that because the Church is too stubbornly human the "walls of Jerusalem" are not as strong as they ought to be. Souls are being lost and their blood is on our hands. This is my personal Anglo-centric list and you are free to disagree with it.

The right wing politics that is dominating the Church is a threat. Whilst naturally Catholics favour conservatism, this doesn't mean Catholics have to be Conservative. The Church needs Christian Socialists and Tory-Anarchists (but probably not greens or liberals). The Republican/Conservative self-righteous alignment of many Catholics under the banner of "traditional family values" is masking an "I'm alright Jack" mentality which flies in the face of what we ought to believe in.
The fact most of us are luke warm or asleep is perhaps the biggest threat.
Agendas are a threat. If we engage too much with the standards by which the world measures its own, we become too much like the world. Why class people as heterosexual or homosexual, for example? There are simply human beings made by God and stained by sin. Why catalogue souls? Crawling out if sin demands detachment from all labels. The only orientation needed to towards the crucifix.
The Catholic pro-life movement may be a threat. It is too political (but it has to be). It is too much of a cause, it is too much of a thing, it is too easily reduced to "sloganeering". The Church is not about things. The pro-life movement is a good thing, it does astonishingly good work BUT it ought to be ecumenical/inter-faith in all its endeavours, but from a standpoint of sound Catholic doctrine. If the Catholic Church is seen as just a series of good causes, then we're scuppered.
Our invisibility is a threat.
The near collapse of working class Catholicism especially in the North of England is a worry and a threat to the dynamics of Catholicism in this country.
Liberal-Traddie polarisation is a threat.
A lack of obedience is a threat. Most of this caused by a lack of leadership from those to whom obedience ought to be directed, through love of Christ and His Church.
The nouvelle theologie remains a threat. The Church already had a sound theology of Grace, a new one was not needed. Theologians should not be left to explain Nature, they should leave that to Scientists. The Grace/Nature mishmash of the Nouvelle Theoleogie is confused, complicated and incoherent and plays into the hands of those who wish to downplay Christ on Calvary, the role of the Sacraments and the nature of the priesthood.

So there you have it. My little blog on the periphery of a very unimportant corner of the blogworld has had its say.

I'll end with a quote from Hebrews 12:14-17

Strive for peace with all men, and for the holiness without which no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one fail to obtain the grace of God; that no "root of bitterness" spring up and cause trouble and by it the many become defiled; that no one be immoral or irreligious like Esau, who sold his birthright for a single meal.

Just asking....

2012-01-18T19:59:00.002Z

Err, what does one do with one's Epiphany chalk once one has made the inscription over the door?

The chalk was blessed, was it blessed solely for the purpose of writing 10+C+M+B+12 and then ceased to be a blessed object or does it remain a blessed object?

I have 3 pieces now (3 year's worth) and am just wondering.

Not that I'm likely to start using it at school, though I am the proud owner of the last remaining blackboard in the place.

Vocation (again)

2012-01-15T15:58:00.003Z

I’m still here, sort of.

Ollie Bear is having a very long think at the moment and is far too busy to post. As for me, I’ve given up thinking, so blogging is difficult, you need to think to write, and I just can’t think. Indeed the less I engage my brain the better, I’m finding.It isn’t that it has stopped working. It is currently being kept entertained by a good book on the 100 Years War and another one on quantum physics. No, the old mental faculties are intact despite the insulin and sugar issues. I think it is my reasoning skills that are totally on the blink.

One thing is getting me down; I’m really not lonely, but having to keep fending off all the people who keep saying to me that I must be feeling lonely, is making me feel rather isolated. On the surface, I suppose my existence looks a little lonely, but it simply isn’t. I know too many people to never get a smile out of them when I’m out and about, I don’t want much more than a smile, I don’t need much more than a smile. I have Christ and the Church; Holy Mass at least 5 times a week is a real boon, plus Confession whenever I want it, Exposition, and endless chats with my friends in the Church Triumphant. I also have some most excellent long dead priests for company, Tanquerey and Dr Challoner’s translation of the Psalms are by my side each night. I have a habit of waking up as strange hours, sometimes full of joy (in which case I’ll read some psalms), love for my fellow man (psalms again) or blinded by doubt (Tanquerey to the rescue). I’m soon back in dreamless sleep and wake refreshed. It is very hard to explain to anyone that I don’t feel lonely, I feel overwhelmingly good.

Work is a pain, I don’t like my job, well I don’t like it if I think about it. This is another reason to stop thinking. It is vital that I keep busy (another reason to not blog), and work has a way of filling the hours when there is no laundry to do.

You see dear reader, I am feeling a real sense of a burgeoning vocation, and I will say no more about what that will entail just yet, other than it isn’t the cloister for me. Vocation is so deeply personal (myself and Christ Crucified are in deep unspoken dialogue). Vocation isn’t all sweetness either, there are long encircling shadows and vast dark empty chasms to traverse…and vocation can’t be reached by the light of reason, only the light of faith, hope and love.

Total loving silent stillness
The marriage of longing and union
Desire and understanding
Lightness and depth
Solitude and communion
Prepared for now
Awaiting in eternity.

Is not the iconostasis a true image of vocation?

Thread bear

2011-12-17T19:47:00.002Z

Ollie Bear here again..

We were woken this morning at , as I think you say “stupid o’clock”, by Rita making her way to the Rorate Mass at the Oratory. Now she’s got her head stuck in “The Catholic”, the quarterly newspaper from Papa Stronsay, and is unlikely to be blogging for a while. No, she’s not going to buy a mantilla anytime soon and she wont be joining the LMS, but as her diet gets simpler (we did find some cabbage, by the way) she seems to like more “twiddly bits” in her faith. You can tell she’s on holiday, she’s nearly cheery and she’s cleaned the car.

She informs us, and we are not pleased, that there is a new business venture out there, I will not mention the name because I do not wish to be the first blogging bear to have legal chappies after my fur. This business involves the selling of bears, a tasteless enterprise at the best of times. Bears find you, you don’t buy them, you pay a ransom and rescue them, when they want to be resuced. Anyway, this venture turns this fact on its head because it is purely commercial as the “customer” actually designs his/her own bear! Can you believe it? They pay to design a bear to their specification and put a “heart” in it! This is not good, the relationship between bear and bear-owner is corrupted. A bear freely gives himself to you, with all his defects, personality issues and wonky stitching and he will stick by you till you discard or forget about him. If he is designed by you, how can he freely have given himself to you. This designed bear is part of your ego and is not a free standing bag of stuffing and fluff in his own right.

Will these designed bears behave any differently? I do not know. Will their expectations be any different from ours? We do not know. We do know however that the bear’s end is a slow demise. Some are loved to bits over decades, some spend years in the loft in a toy box, some get sent to charity shops waiting to be rescued again. The majority will eventually end up in the hands of the salvage men at the tip; they give us our end. Some finish their days in a manic, all weather, teddy bears picnic at the side of the tip sitting on “rescued” plastic chairs. Others are strapped to the radiator grill of the bin wagons for a filthy, high speed final adventure. Others will be intimately examined on prime time television on the “Antiques Roadshow”, be auctioned and end up as prisoners in the glass cases of some bear fanaticists. Will a designed bear accept his fate, after all some of your ego as gone into its creation? It just doesn’t seem right to me to bring a bear into the world to satisfy your own whims.

Then again do we bears mind how you treat us? No, not really. We are just stuffing and fur after all. We are at your service and you do with us as you please. Our intellects are far superior to yours and we can out stare you any day, but we know our fate.

Bearing up

2011-11-27T15:32:00.004Z

Hello there,

Whilst Rita's taken her bat home, I bethought myself it may be a good idea to keep her blog alive with some occasional ramblings from the sofa bed.

I'm Ollie. I share the sofa bed in the study with a venerable and camera shy bear of some 40+ years from Wigan (Rita's favourite, they've been through thin and thin together). I myself was rescued from the cake counter of a cafe on the Yorkshire/Lancashire border some 10 years ago and as Rita brought me over to Lancashire, I count it as my ancestral home. Now we all live in deepest, dankest Wessex in the most astonishing wilderness. It has its advantages, this is AGA country and the good ladies around here make damn fine cakes. Rita doesn't share my passion for cakes, but then again she doesn't really know what I get up to whilst she's away.

The only musing I have for today is: what has happened to all the cabbages, there are none in the shops? Have the Chinese commandeered the whole UK crop or something? Not that I can find a decent cake recipe with cabbage in it, but it is the vegetable of choice chez Rita. The old girl is in need of comfort food, for her this is glutenous rice and cabbage. We like to keep her on her feet, earning money and keeping us in the manner to which we've become accustomed, but she's flagging a bit and I think some cabbage would help.

Muniment and Malachi

2011-11-05T19:55:00.004Z

Last Sunday's reading from the Prophet Malachi always leave priests feeling a little uncomfortable. The Book of Malachi is only short and deserves to be read in its entirety. We should read it and all feel a little uncomfortable, not just priests.

It is hard not to see this book in a contemporary light, it smacks right to the heart of the Church on earth. We should not be surprised by this, good prophecy is timeless because it reveals timeless truth. The sad thing is that there is still the need for such a stern prophecy, priests and people are still doing the same old, same old; picking and choosing what to believe in, being unfaithful and not fearing God.

The frustration of some with the Catholic hierarchy in the UK is due in no small measure to the belief that they "have caused many to stumble by their teaching"(Mal 2:8). It is a frustration that the Body has been weakened and that those in a position to strengthen the Body seem for the most part incapable of (a) obedience (b) seeing the problem, (c) having the guts to do what they were ordained to do. If it is a frustration born of love and powerlessness, both things are inherently good. Indeed if that frustration boils into anger, provided it is channeled correctly, then it can be for the good. Though at all times remembering the legal maxim those who come into equity must come with clean hands because it is always dangerous to say "we have a better claim to be the Church more than those others who claim to be the Church".

I put forward the proposition that some priests/bishops and people have always been like they are portrayed in the Book of Malachi, this is not some arrogant judgment on my part but a statement of fact. We are dealing here with types, not specific people. Many are causing others to stumble; pray that we are not a cause of stumbling or stumblers who have been led astray. Yet somehow the rickety ship keeps afloat, God is in control. The unknown faithful by their service to God in prayers, good works and adoration, in no small measure make sure of that.

When we know we are right about something, and someone else is in the wrong, we should never draw attention to ourselves, only to the source of our righteousness, and carry the ruptures the wrong has caused as a penance. I was told this by my confessor yesterday.

Let us not weary the Lord with our words (Mal 2:17).
I'm going to stop serious blogging for a bit too.

The Devil opines.....

2011-11-04T20:58:00.003Z

I've been following these last few posts with interest. I like nothing better than watching strife and tetchyness between Catholics who should be on the same side...being the original lazy arsed sloth, and by far the most accomplished one at that, it is my great pleasure to do nothing and watch my work being done for me. Well, it was originally my work that meant that people lost the ability to comprehend each other, so I have to take some credit for it. A little pat on the back for yours truly, I have this amazing ability to do my own work even without doing it. I'm just so fantastic, don't you think.

I'll tell you what I hate though. What I hate most about mortal man is priests. They should be all mine but they are not. They are a bunch of weak, pathetic, insecure, vulnerable men and I love to torment them, but so few of them fall, it makes me quite mad. Mind you, I'm not always lazy, what makes me really livid and really fires me up is a very holy priest and for him I'll even venture onto the sanctuary (do you know how foul that place is, the stench nearly does for me). I can give him sudden violent pain, I can make the text in the Missal wobble comically before his eyes, I can suggest highly inappropriate thoughts and images, and I can induce blackness, emptyness and unbelief. I do most of my damage to him in the presbytery but a little nudge in the sanctuary really brings him down. A moments distraction in his prayer and whap, in I go.

I also hate children, I mean really hate them. Why do people still bother having them? What are they for? Still, they sometimes unwittingly add to my mirth, sweet little dears. I'll give you an example. There is a priest I know, who is pretty low. He feels let down by his bishop, he feels totally over worked, and he is very lonely. When I've worked him up to a high level of self pity he really is a complete wretch and then I drop the killer suggestion to him your parish don't even respect you, it doesn't matter how often you ask for fractious children to be taken out at Mass, they never are, they're ruining it for you aren't they, nothing is beautiful anymore, nothing feels sacred, there are no spiritual consolations, everything is drudgery, oh and you are sooo lonely, why not give it all up, eh? The man is a living wreck AND he's losing his faith. SCORE!!! Well not quite. He doggedly clings to his priesthood, but I'm working on that. Every time a child misbehaves during Mass, I'm just stand at the back laughing at this priest and say nothing to do with me mate, you're feeling sooo bad and soooo unloved and it soooo has nothing to do with me. Haa Haa!

Appropriate response

2011-11-01T21:10:00.004Z

Dear Anonymous has replied most graciously to my last post on the behaviour of children at Mass. Most of the text is shown below, but I have added my own comments in bold.

1. Parenting is really, very hard work, a type of difficulty against which all others pale to nothing, which cannot be known properly by those who do not have children. This is not the kind of 'hard' one ever stops to consider because, when one is presented with the one's first baby, you just get on with it. By the time you have three in (nearly) four years, the work is near constant, as are the anxieties (too numerous to count, but try 'How do I form my children in a robust Faith?'), the contingent work (wage-earning), organisation, housing (especially if you do not own a place), and of course education, to important to be entrusted to normal schools. And so on, and so on. In short, when some parents seem to let their children run riot it is because they are so tired they do not know what to do, are too overburdened to think a behavioural situation through.
Yes, but would they let this happen in a restaurant or at a concert. No, they wouldn't take the children, they would find a baby sitter or go without such luxuries. Now is Mass a luxury, of course not. However, one reason why parenting is so difficult these days is the lack of an extended family, people to leave children with whilst you go to Mass with your husband. The primary aim of marriage is offspring, the secondary is the sanctification of your partner, spiritual time together is very important.

2. The children who are misbehaved may well be unwell, have ADHD or somesuch (be it nature or nurture induced). Again, although I have no direct experience of this, and one tends to think 'Bloody give them a clip round the ear', this doesn't actually work with mentally disabled children.
Unwell is fine at Mass, unwell and unruly needs thinking through, if it is going to distract the priest, then it is not good, they can be under enough assaults from the devil during Mass as it is. Children are rarely living saints, they can vehicles for ill (because of their self-centredness), even without sinning. Pray to their guardian angels.

3. The Mass may be the only time in a week a parent can get to be with the Lord in the Eucharist. Should they give this up so you can have some quiet?
No, that is a silly argument. The answer remains the same as the one to point 1.

4. Your concentration is not relevant to the reality of the Mass; God happens, so you have to be there. This is a reality of great importance to parents. In the nearly five years since I had parenthood sprung on me, I have actually felt like I prayed at most a dozen times at Sunday Mass. My children are immaculately behaved, (for children - see below) but this takes continuous low-level concentration on my part. I can never loose myself in praise.
Yes, the action of the Mass takes place irrespective of the worthyness of the priest or the concentration of the congregation. But, there is a danger here of presumption, the presumption that reverence is not necessary (I'm not referring to your family here, only really bad behaviour). Reverence is vital, Calvary deserves reverence. Yes, it is MY problem BUT the assaults of the devil and the occasions for sinful thought when children are misbehaving are great.

5. Don't expect children to behave like adults. They are not adults and do not behave like it. Even mine, who are, as implied above, quiet and engaged, will find themselves amazingly excited by some seemingly pointless thing and fall over themselves to explain it/ fall about laughing/ squeal with excitement/ whisper at the consecration/ etc.
That is all good, there is no problem with this.

6. The Latin Mass in its current incarnation creates amongst the congregants an attitude of sighing intolerance, a real 'people set apart'. 'Did you not know, Latin Mass is for the truly devoted?' I have experienced this in about five different churches. Nobody likes the de-sacralised, jumble-sale shtick of the average NO Mass, but nobody wants us at the Latin one (except the Franciscans of the Immaculate in Stoke). So what do we parents do? Trudge along broken-hearted to an event we are confused (at best) about, passing on only frustration and disappointment as the fruits of a Catholic life to our children?
But you have just said that the Mass is the Mass. I must say, I regularly attend Latin Mass is two different diocese and there are far more children there than other Masses, they are behaving like children, not adults, but they are welcomed and there is no irreverent misbehaviour.

I could go on, but my point is simply this: If the Catholic Church is going to survive in this country, and outside of the major university cities this is actually not likely, we need children to get the Faith. There is no one blueprint for the Faith, but if the children aren't praying at home and building a relationship with the Blessed Trinity, the Mother of God, the angels and the saints, then no amount of Mass attendance will work. They will not get the Faith in school, even less of it in Catholic school (statistically true), and are normally raised in functionally Protestant households (85-odd percent of Catholics are contraceptive, contra God and his Church) Our best Catholics are so often converts or reverts who really discover Faith in adulthood. If they don't go to church and receive the full grace of God by baring witness to and eventually participating in the Mass, from where is it supposed to come? Turning up at Mass does not magically bestow grace on anyone.

Question: Sanctifying grace is a habitual gift...a supernatural disposition that perfects the soul itself to enable it to live with God (CCC 2000), we know this grace by its fruits, are the fruits really there if chaos reigns supreme and a child who is old enough to know better, is bent on destruction and mischief?

Appropriate behaviour

2011-10-29T18:51:00.004+01:00

Prompted by some comments on my previous post, I will now dare to write about the appropriate behaviour of children at Mass.

My last school was a boys' school and we were never allowed to say anything they did was wrong, only that it was inappropriate. So overtly sexualised posturing, sexist language and racist language were never "wrong", just "inappropriate". I don't like this approach, but I will adopt it for the forthcoming argument.

Matthew 18: 1-6 is often cited as a good reason for us to suffer children at Mass irrespective of their behaviour. I quote it at the end of this piece, in case your memory needs refreshing.

The child that Jesus calls and puts in the midst of the disciples is not described. However verse 2 does not end with the words, and after the child had thrown its toy camel at a disciple, hollered loudly for its mother and tugged at Jesus's beard and hair... . An inappropriately behaved child would not make any sense in this Gospel passage. The child was meek, the child was called by Jesus and the child responded appropriately. Being placed in the midst of the disciples makes the child a teacher and a most profound one at that. As the Son is infront of the Father, so the child is infront of Our Lord, and so ought we be too. Never, never get in the way of a child and its faith, the consequences are terrifying.

It is the child who simply doesn't appreciate that church is a sacred space, different from the living room, that can lead to inappropriate behaviour, both from the child and its parents. It can never be appropriate to feed a child (save breastfeeding) at Mass,. How will a child ever appreciate the Eucharist if it is leaving great lumps of Jaffa cake smeared over the pews? It is never appropriate to bribe a child to be quiet during Mass. It is never appropriate to hold a conversation with a child that has no relevance to the Mass whilst the Mass is taking place. Is it appropriate that there is a child whose parents let it run all over the sanctuary before Mass pulling the flower arrangements to bits? Are not all these types of behaviour likely to get in between the child and its growing faith.

If we look at Luke 2:41-43, it seems clear that children were only expected to journey to the Temple in Jerusalem on reaching the age of 12. An age where appreciation of and appropriate behaviour during religious ceremonies would be expected. I'm not saying 12 is the best age, indeed I'm not suggesting any age requirements only an understanding that perhaps the child needs some appreciation of what is happening.

The things that would be considered inappropriate in the public gallery of a law court, or at a funeral, or at a gallery of priceless artifacts aren't somehow appropriate at Mass.

The very smelly old lady at Mass, the man with the bowel problem that leaves him smelling of faecal material, the man in the wheelchair who makes involuntary groans, the gurgling infant, the devout alcoholic who needs a swig of vodka half way through Mass to stop him shaking...are all behaving appropriately.

I have been in a very delicate state this last few months, I have needed to be at Mass and receive the sacraments. Can you imagine how upsetting it can be when you don't feel like you've been to Mass because children and their parents seem to have no understanding of the need for reverence, and that foucussed prayer needs a level of concentration that can not be obtained if some child you don't know is poking a Thomas the Tank Engine in your ear.

Matthew 18:1-6
At that time the disciples came to Jesus, saying "Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?" 2 And calling to him a small child, he put him in the midst of them, 3 and said, "Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. 4 Whoever humbles himself like this child, he is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. 5 "Whoever receives one such child in my name receives me;.."

(parentheses(various))

2011-10-27T17:39:00.003+01:00

The Telegraph newspaper reports the death on the 24th October of John McCarthy, the originator of probably the worlds coolest and arguably most influential programming language LISP. As undergraduate Physicists, we had to struggle endlessly with FORTRAN, a clunky mess of a language that I could never get to do what I wanted it to do. FORTRAN caused me hours of frustration and I loathed it. The Mathematicians were all using PASCAL and that seemed better, in a "grass is always greener on the other side" kind of way. But my Computer Science friends were using LISP and it just seemed worthwhile, sensible and logical...My fellow physicists laughed at it and mocked the endless parentheses, but scoot forward in time and see just how influential it has been...

So thank you John MaCarthy for the neatness and elegance of your work and for making programming nearly fun.
(RIP)

********

Aisle Rats:
When traveling by train, I like to use the "quiet carriage"; a marvelous invention where mobile phone and loud conversation are prohibited. Imagine my annoyance when two quiet adults decided to park themselves in the quiet carriage with a tribe of aisle rats all under the age of 7. How can you be quiet if you have with you mobile, random noise generators with no off button? Yes, you may look like the type of people who do not make use of mobile electronic devices, but the quiet carriage is quiet and cannot be so with your children racing and screeching down the aisles.

A bit like church really. We are expected to suffer distracting noise if it is child related. Does this really extend to suffering children who do not know how to behave in the environment in which they are placed? Does a rendition of the fireman sam song during the consecration really improve the liturgy?

We are not allowed to say anything though are we, we get accused of not liking children, we get accused on not seeing their innocence for what it is.

Children will imitate the reverence of adults around them with time and good example. Families really ought to have some sort of oratory or prayer space at home where they get used to reverential quiet and prayer...it may help. And if it doesn't, take the little one out, please! Father has spent a fortune making sure the you can still hear and see the Mass from behind sound proof glass.

********

St Paul's Cathedral
I'm feeling that the whole sorry mess of the tented community encamped outside and preventing the cathedral from opening is a reflection of the weakness of the evangelical "what would Jesus do?" theology. Let us not forget that the ever so practical and down to earth Saint Francis de Sales used this phrase too, but he never used it out of the context of the commandments of loving God and neighbour.

Our tented friends may have a grievance that some will sympathise with, however, they took advantage of Christian niceness and some misguided belief that Jesus would be supporting them and tenting with them to the exclusion of the bankers and money men.

Remember folks; Christianity is about personal holiness and abhorrence of sin because of the love of God. Everything stems from our right action caused by our right motives and reliance on God. Maybe we ought to see being p***ed on by greedy capitalists as some sort of necessary mortification for our salvation.

The C of E does seem particularly prone to being hijacked by "causes" that then take advantage. Very sad, very sad indeed.

More good news from Old Trafford

2011-10-23T16:21:00.004+01:00

First the cricket, and now this...

But don't worry, the DNA of the "noisy neighbours" in blue is such that we are destined for tragicomedy...just allow us a little gloat for now.

pergoogleplexed

2011-10-22T18:28:00.004+01:00

My computer glitches are driving me mad, any inspiration for a post is lost by the time I've fired up this ancient laptop, because EVERYTHING I try with the "fast" computer, so far has failed.

I've tried "system restore" but it wont accept any of the restore points. Therefore I think it is a virus.

I do a full virus scan, viruses detected and eliminated. Google still not loading.

I defrag the hard drive. Google still not playing.

I clean the registry. Google still not working.

I go to the command prompt (ah the nostalgia- I wrote my thesis from the DOS prompt- in the days before Windows) and "ipconfig/flushdns". Still google won't play.

I try going to "blogger" using a proxy server. I get to the website!! Hurray! I log in and then it times me out. Sigh!!!

********
'Tis a good job there's more to life than blogging.

blogging lite #2

2011-10-17T18:31:00.003+01:00

My old laptop (11 years old) is still going strong but takes an age to boot up and gets a little anxious if there is too much Java stuff for it to process. Therefore I've been using the other computer in the house, and up until about 10 days ago, things were going well.

Now, on opening ANY browser, the computer will not go to anything related to blogger and is desperately slow on all google sites. It has nothing to do my firewall or the security settings when online, because the laptop is on the same settings. It may be a virus but a blinking strange one of it is...and bizarre that it has gone undetected by F-secure (they are usually very good).

This is an annoying problem that maybe related to a missive I sent blogger from that computer, complaining that they really had to sort out their problems for Firefox users (commenting on blogs being the most irritating issue). I explained I had no intention of "buying" into the whole "google experience", as they are getting far too big as it is; I would not be using "Chrome", "google+", "gmail" and out of choice I try not to use google as a search engine.....it is strange that all my problems stem from after I sent that missive.

Therefore blogging is lite, whilst I summon up the enthusiasm to try to work out what is going wrong and do a system restore.

And no, I wont be moving to "Wordpress".

And, yes, I'm in a grumpy mood. I'm a rabid, foaming at the mouth Papist, incapable of compromise and stuff is happening out there I can't blog about but is driving me spare. Probably a good job gremlins have got into the computer, it will stop me from saying something I may regret.

*******
Sent from a steam powered, 10kg, ancient laptop with a dodgy fan and not enough RAM.

blogging lite

2011-10-15T12:40:00.003+01:00

As much as I like this blog, I am feeling a little concerned that my science practical with year 10 on Friday involved beakers and tea-lights, and some girls in tears because they couldn't do the maths. And yes, it was risk assessed and no I wasn't wearing Hi-Viz.

Puzzling bumper sticker...

2011-10-03T16:55:00.005+01:00

...and worse.

First the bumper sticker, that I presume is from an evangelical Christian. I happened to be driving behind this for too long this evening, so had plenty of time to muse over its naffness.

It said: Do you follow Jesus this close!!!

I presume it is a bumper sticker telling me to "back off". Yet backing off would suggest that I was not a close follower of the Lord. To deny Him is wrong, ought I have got into the car with her?

Now for the "worse".

Say a prayer for my late husband's 95 year old auntie, Mary. And say a prayer to her Guardian Angel. Mary is a fine lady, hard as nails, a foreman welder in Radcliffe during the war (and blinded in one eye for her troubles), but get beyond the toughness and there is a woman of remarkable faith and fortitude and a most reliable of friends.

She had a fall a few years ago and needed the full time care provided by a care home. Last week she got an infection, it was making her a bit strange in the head and she started refusing food and drink and spitting at her relatives and carers.

The family wanted her admitted to hospital.

The response from her GP was; well you know she is very old, is it really worth doing anything? If she has decided to go, shouldn't you choose to let her go?

Family outraged and upset, but now Mary is in hospital, responding to antibiotics and saying charitable things like "where is that bl**dy GP, I'll kill him".

The new NHS is here, folks, and the new mantra is "admit as few people to hospital as possible". You have been warned.

thoughts at morning Mass (2)

2011-10-02T16:10:00.006+01:00

At Mass this morning I was behind a woman who was really squirming and struggling when Father said the priesthood is only for men. Well, it is hardly groundbreaking stuff, and for many of us about as controversial as saying the Pope has a balcony. I do, however feel for those who have made allowing women into the priesthood, something of a cause. They are blinding themselves to the nature of Christ in His Church, it a sort of self-imposed spiritual mortification and it does the mortifier no end of harm.

A larger question remains as to what is the theological significance of women? The biological significance of men and women is not in question. The theological significance of men is not really in question either, theologically speaking it is men who are the barers of new life through the grace of God. Eve came from Adam's rib, the priest acts "in persona Christi" bringing us new life through the Sacraments, the new life of marriage is something that the husband brings to the wife....

I have no answer to the question I have posed.....

However I have had a phrase going round my head for sometime now "live your life as if it were all the defence of an unwritten thesis". Maybe silence is the answer, pondering things in our hearts, absorbing the complexities and simplicities of life and acting carefully and quietly, making as few ripples as possible. Just choose your thesies wisely, ladies.

One place that is not place for a woman (a pulpit in a Catholic Church)

Solved

2011-09-25T14:59:00.006+01:00

Error bars notwithstanding, some of those neutrinos arrived at Gran Sasso before they should have done because the went via Rome; simples really.

Takling of bars; here is a bad neutrino joke doing the rounds.

Bartender, "We don't serve your type in here". A muon neutrino walks into a bar.

A momentum-space diagram AKA Feynmann diagram depicting an anti-muon neutrino (bottom right).

2011-09-23T21:21:00.003+01:00

I've no interest in neutrinos, unless they start to reveal huge flaws in the current best theories of Physics, and personally I think we are a long way from that...*

So by way of a Friday meditation, here is a quote from Mgr Ronald Knox on a completely unrelated topic:

The virtue of Patience. Almighty God means us to suffer; it is good for us; and he means us to suffer not only from natural causes over which man has no control, but from our fellow-men; from mistakes, the misjudgements, the misgovernment of our fellow-men. Most of us have some unlovable qualities which we can't help; most of us do and say the wrong things, without meaning to; and besides that, there are our faults. Part of the reason why God put you into the world was to exercise the patience of others by your defects; think of that sometimes when you are going to bed. It is a salutary thought... Your bad temper, your excesive cheerfulness, your tiresomeness in conversation; He chose the right person, didn't He? Well, if other people are being so admirably exercised by patience in you, it seems a pity you shouldn't be exercised by them now and again in your turn; that's only fair. The offering of patience which you can make to God; the little things you have to put up with- and that offering is to be made in slience.

Mgr Ronlad Knox: - from a talk on murmuring: The Priestly Life ( a retreat)

********
* Neutrino detectors are cool, however. The picture below is of the construction of the Super-Kamiokande neutrino detector in Japan.

Isn't human ingenuity amazing!

When hadrons collide

2011-09-19T17:37:00.005+01:00

Our favourite Archdruid, has brought to our attention some comments of Jeremy Hardy regarding the religious belief of scientists. You can read the post here

Indeed, in the spirit of re-enactment for which her community are so fond, I raise my indestructible mug of strong Brownian Motion (a nice beaker of tea) in her general direction, on my own and without the support of a community or even a tea light, because as everyone knows physicists never get invited to the right sort of parties.

********
Her comments did get me thinking about my fellow Physicists. I'd have to agree, a sizable number are religious. However I am still puzzling as to why this is. It would be bad sicence indeed to probe the questions of ultimate smallness and beginnings of beginnings and to say, simply because our brains were fried, we can't understand this so it must be God wot done it. That would be bad science and bad theology.

My own view is that the aquisition of scientific knowledge involves rigourous discipline and hard study. One has to be a mental athlete and have a heightened awareness of the world around one, in order to really succeed. Therefore what the Physicist achieves is a merited reward, based on their study and their sensitivity towards the natural world. Knowledge of God involves grace, which is always an unmerited gift and involves the receiver at the very least acknowledging that he wishes to seek God. Hence the religious Physicist has not got his understanding and knowledge of the Divine from his study of Science. I'd suggest that it is his openness to religion that is a product of the rationality that his discipline has given him and the metaphysical questions he inevitably asks, BUT that his faith does not come from that source, it comes from the same source as everyone elses whether they be a scientist or not.

To paraphrase Fr Georges Lemaitre, religious physicists don't walk or play sport differently from anyone else, why should they do science differently from the non-believing scientist.

One final point and I'd be interested if any other Physicists can back me up on this. In my years of being in the company of male Physicists, I'm very struck by the fact they don't seem to age like other men, check out the age of Prof Brian Cox, if you don't believe me. Is Physics the elixr of youth, for the male of the species at any rate (the sample size for females being too small, and my lack of objectivity meaning I can't make any claims about them)? The boyish yet senior Physicist is not something I find all that charming, but I have to admit I do think it is an observable phenomenon worthy of further study.

Lost in Translation...(2)

2011-09-13T19:41:00.005+01:00

There are things from the Vulgate that to me seem so much more inspired than later translations that have worked from more sources. I would be grateful if anyone can point me to passages where the opposite is true and later translations have specific poigniancy for the reader and where the Vulgate translation seems bland. Below is one small example of significance to me as this psalm is my main scriptural prop these days.

Consider Psalm 84 (83) Quam dilecta

try the second stanza:
Douay-Rheims
For the sparrow has found herself a house, and the turtle a nest for herself where she may lay her young.

RSV
Even the sparrow finds a home and the swallow a nest for herself, where she may lay her young.

RSV: sparrows and swallows are good; a home bird and a migratory bird both finding a home in the dwelling places (tabernacles) of the Lord.

D-R: sparrow is there too, and maybe I'm reading to much into this but the turtle rather than the swallow takes this to another level. (Yup, I know I should check the Latin/Greek for the correct fauna, but the whole point of this post is that you shouldn't have to, it isn't an option for most people.) The turtle is an animal that makes a nest for her young and leaves them there in trust never to return. Somehow, I relate to this. So often I find I offer up what I have and what I am before the Lord before returning to the wasteland, trusting it entirely to His safekeeping.

Consider the later stanza:
RSV
Blessed are men whose strength is in you, in whose heart are the highways to Zion. As they go through the valley of Baca they make it a place of springs; the early rain also covers it with pools.

D-R
Blessed is the man whose help is from thee; in his heart he hath disposed to ascend by steps, in the vale of tears, in the place which he hath set.

Undoubtedly the RSV is more poetic and obviuously draws from more material, however again it is the D-R that is more inspiring. Both versions show ascent to the Lord, highways to Zion or ascend by steps. But it is so much more personal inthe D-R; the man with the singular determination to ascend from the vale of tears, from where he is right this moment, with gritted teeth and determination from whatever abject state he may now be in. Again, this is so much easier for me to relate to.

Why am I mentioning all this? Just this notion that translation ought to be inspiring as well as accurate. Yup, I know that is a subjective thing and it is a good thing that we have so many translations available, and I not knocking using other sources apart from the Vulgate, it is just for me, time and time again, it is the Vulgate that inspires and gets to the heart of the matter.

Just don't get me going on the Grail psalms in the Office.......

A turtle (the author of this blog)

Lost in Translation....(1)

2011-09-12T17:22:00.005+01:00

The New Jerusalem Bible, what is the deal with this? After all, it is the translation used for scripture readings at Mass in the UK, but why is it so, well so....I can't explain, but here is an example from yesterday's Mass:

Matthew 18:21 New Jerusalem
Then Peter went up to him and said ,"Lord, how often must I forgive my brother if he wrongs me? As often as seven times?"

Mathew 18: 21 Douay-Rheims
Then Peter came unto him and said: Lord how often shall my brother offend against me, and I forgive him? Seven times?

Matthew 18:21 RSV
Then Peter came up and said to him, "Lord how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?"

Matthew 18:21 Good News Bible
Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, if my brother keeps on sinnning against me, how many times do I have to forgive him? Seven times?"

When the Good News Bible is saying the same thing as the Douai-Rheims , but the New Jerusalem is on a different tack (no mention of the offender sining many times, just multiple forgiveness)...hmm, is the New Jerusalem just trying to be clever? I'm not sure it is being helpful.

What I learned today

2011-09-04T19:33:00.007+01:00

Maybe I'm a bit slow, but I today I've discovered someting which I consider quite profound regarding the differences between Anglicans and Catholics. It is that the ordinary Anglicans, within their own communion service acknowldge they are not receiving the whole truth. Let me explain:

Before going to receive communion they state as we do that they are not worthy, but rather than align themselves as we do with the centruion (Matt 8:5-13), they align themselves with the Caananite woman whose child needed healing (Matt 15:21-28). Part of what the Anglican's say is:

We are not worthy so much as to gather up the crumbs from under your table.

You can read the full text here, in the holy communion pdf, p181.

The Caananite woman, like the centurion is a foreigner, and Our Lord praises and rewards the faith of both of them. The Caananite woman is of no significance in the social sphere, the centurion is a person of importance who has duties and responsibilities. Similar, stories but profoundly different in one clear respect. The centurion feels unworthy to let Christ under his roof: that is not worthy to receive the whole person of Christ into his sphere of influence. It is about being unworthy of an intimacy with Christ.

The Caanantite woman (on the other hand) doesn't even stand before Christ as herself, she denegrates herself to being as a puppy in his presence. There is no intimacy in receiving the scraps from the table, just faith alone and an acknowldgement of an incompleteness about the whole thing.

So, there it is, Anglicans are doing something completely different to us, there is no common ground in our concepts of Holy Communion and liturgy. It is their own order of service that makes this abundantly clear. I do admire the honesty of the peole who constructed the Anglican holy communon service, they reallly knew what they were doing wasn't a demonstrably equal alternative to the Holy Mass.

So next time you meet a lapsed Catholic who attends Church of England services and says something like "Oh we believe in the same things and the words are nearly the same". You turn round and say "Oh no they're not".

A typical English village church, currently occupied ( I presume) by some rather lovable puppies.

**********

Not that Catholics are to feel smug or anything. If we are identified as the centurion, then the reception of Christ (for which we are entirely unworthy) comes explicitly with duties towards our fellow man that spread way beyond the immediate family. If we don't acknowledge those duties, are we perhaps worthy of condemnation through our reception of the Eucharist? Hmm, scary stuff.

SSPX and all that

2011-09-03T17:13:00.008+01:00

I seem to be getting slightly more traffic than usual thanks to Ttony, if you want the "dementors" post scroll down one.

Faced with a choice today between an EF Mass (many many miles from home) and an OF Mass celebrated with all due reverence (slightly nearer home) I chose the EF Mass. Priests round here have embraced the new translation of the Mass for weekday Masses, and I'm sorry to say that I've already become a little tired of having to watch what I'm saying.

I have carefully avoided using the word "think" about what I'm saying, becuase that isn't the point. This interim period, where we get used to the new translation is now full of moments when you are making sure you don't slip up and insert a casual "And also with you". It is about learning lines, not about praying the Mass. I'm not sure you can do both simultaneously. I'm finding it a little frustrating and I'm noticing frustration creep in with the priests due to the unhelpful nature of the interim Missal. They're book juggling, whilst we are learning our lines...not prayerful stuff. This is all part of the process, it has to happen and I can't see how any souls can be lost through it, we are never attentive enough during Mass: non sum dignus.

So EF it was today (the Mass for Pope St Pius X), no need to watch my words, just be immersed in the Mass, I'm glad I went.

It got me musing about the SSPX on my way home. I used to think they were just a bunch of reactionary loosers, now I don't know what to think. All I know is that the meeting scheduled between Bp Fellay and the Vatican is truly significant and packs a greater punch than it simply being about the SSPX. I am way out of my depth here, but knowing this is much more about Theology than about Liturgy, is it just possible that the SSPX are right in many ways theologically speaking. There is so much grey and murky water within the theology of Rahner, von Balthazar and de Lubac, it is impossible to say whether it is right or wrong becuase it is never clear enough about what it is actually on about. The Truth ought to be clear becuase it is illuminated by Christ, the new theology is just simply too complex and too fuzzy. For those of us who hold the old theology as divinely inspired or atleast self-consistent and clear, surely it is still so? The SSPX will not embrace the new theology. We have to ask now, does it form part of the Magesterium? Do they need to embrace it? Successive pontiffs have embraced the "new" theology, but that doesn't mean they are in error and not valid sucessors to the see of Peter. Nor does it mean that those who don't embrace the new theology are in error either. The vast majority of the world's Catholics simply wouldn't find it necessary for growing in grace and the understanding of, and obedience to Our Lord.

Could it just be that we are wandering into an era where we get a more focussed, more united Church with a much better understanding of the role of the Pope. The reading at Mass today (John 21:15-17) is Peter's threefold protestation of love for Our Lord and His three fold commandment to "Feed my sheep". Isn't that really what the papacy is all about? The successor of Peter is the one who must most amply display love of Our Lord and proclaim most visibly who He is (and correct where errors have come in regarding Jesus Christ since the preaching of the first apostles) and then, as a consequence of this, feed the sheep with the "Bread" that lasts. No Pope has ever been in error over these matters. Even young Patricius would struggle to argue with that. Popes may not always express their Theology with crystal clarity, but provided they know who Christ is, God doesn't expect them to be the cleverest of men. Popes may not always do the wisest of things (God doen't expect them to be the wisest of men). Changes to the liturgy are always done for pastoral reasons, but again they may not always be done with wisdom. Saints and Blesseds do not need to be wise or clever men but they must love Our Lord madly, foolishly and visibly.

Could it be that, the SSPX will actually do the whole Chruch a favour by staking the claim for a more robust, clear, intelligible Theology? The result of this may well be a clearer understanding of the nature of the priesthood and the papacy. This must be a good thing. They may find they have new friends in very diverse corners of the Church.

St Pius X ora pro nobis.

Dementors in "Per Una"

2011-09-02T10:09:00.002+01:00

I'm being a bit uncharitable here and in fact most of them don't wear "Per Una" (an upmarket range of clothing from Marks & Spencer for ladies), but the fact remains, some people just seem to drain the "gubbins" out of me (like the Dementors in Harry Potter).

It is all about givers and takers and that highly overrated quality "niceness". There are so many so very nice people who think they are givers. They go out of their way to ask how I am with that ghastly phrase "how are you feeling?". This is truly the "dementors kiss", they think they are giving of their love and affection but they seem to want to feed on my emotions, it doesn't matter how I answer that question, I am left drained by the fact it was asked. Through engaging with them, and being in their company I really feel it is me who is doing the giving. Yes, they may hurt for what has happend to me, but they seem to want to increase that feeling inside of them by feeding off me. I love them, I can't change them, but oh boy, they are exhausting.

So for now, though it be a significant number of miles from anything Roman (my diesel bill is huge), I feel the need to stay among these people of Wessex where I have made my home: high Tory, low Church. There is a different sort of giving here and it is so very English. My neighbours give out of a sense of duty and care, a sense that it is the right thing to do. They keep an eye out for me, leave me with little presents of surplus produce from their gardens, a cheery wave, a firm handshake, invite me in for a cup of coffee, with a total lack of interest in what I'm up to but so keen I'm showing an interest in what is happening in the village. They care, but they stay out of my emotions, they give at little cost to themselves and it is so hugely appreciated by me. They take nothing off me (except the rent) and I feel ever so privileged to be among them.

Englishness is a good thing (for the English), but it seems to be dying out, it is a bit like living in a "designated rare-breed area", are honour, duty, respect and civility really such difficult qualities to pass on these days? They are certainly very precious.

Widows

2011-08-27T13:10:00.004+01:00

The Benedictine's at East Hendred have a good post about widowhood for today's feast in honour of St Monica and Richard Collins has also excelled himself with his musings on St Monica.

I did perhaps overdo the amount of widowhood (and alcohol) in my choice of patrons; choosing both St Monica and St Rita. Then again, they chose me, I did not choose them, and they have been the most loyal of friends. And indeed, a third widow, St Jane Frances de Chantal has recently come into my life. Whilst wandering throught the convent where I was staying, I found her relic and prayed before it. I then get back to Blighty on her feast day and find myself at Mass in her honour, I am just beginning to get to know her too.

One thing is certain, there is a great apostolate of prayer involved in widowhood. This is possibly, because in the loss there is a greater identity with God as the Infinite Solitude (see Blessed Elizabeth of the Trinity's famous prayer). The Infinite Solitude isn't a concept our two most recent Holy Fathers have had much time for, but they are shepherds trying to bring home the flock, they have to stress the solidarity of God rather than the solitude of God. The "pious widow" is already in the sheep pen and waiting, she has stared into the abyss of unfathomable love and knows something of the solitude. Solitude isn't isolation or even lonliness in the sentimental sense, nor is it some existential crisis, it is a realisation that outside of God, there is nothing. Through the death of your partner, the unity of the marriage is broken, yet strangely made more whole. Widowhood is about allowing the Infinite Solitude to reach inwards and open up great fissures in your heart and soul so that one day you too may, in your own small, insignificant way have a soul that can magnify the Lord.

And if that wasn't enough, there's illness, there's bills and rent to pay, there's cooking, cleaning & ironing and there's teaching the drivel that passes as a science curriculum to uninterested teenagers.

The Young Widow - Edward Killingworth Johnson (1877), a bit sentimental for my tastes but it makes the point.

Here we go again...

2011-08-26T09:52:00.004+01:00

With apologies to the memory of Salford's finest, Al Read

Dad, dad, have you seen that dad...that priest over there, have you seen that priest over there. Dad I know you can see him, well he's wearing a polyseter chasubule, dad....dad, are you listening, you don't like polyester chasubules do you dad, why don't you go and tell him dad? Do you want me to tell him? Dad do you want me to tell him....ooh and what about that lady over there, she's received Communion standing up and in the hand, you don't ike that do you dad, you don't like that do you? Dad, why don't you say something, it's disprsepctful intit dad, intit, intit? What aren't you listening, you could tell 'em where to go, couldn't you dad? You could tell 'em where to get off, I know you could. You've got that authorittitiy thing haven't you dad, that authorittity thing means you have power, dunt it dad, dunt it, dunt it....dad, dad you can tell em where to get off, I know you can. Dad, dad, why don't you do something....

Perhaps the Pope isn't a fan of Ultramontanism either.

Caesarea Philippi

2011-08-21T15:22:00.004+01:00

Today's Gospel is Peter's declaration of faith at Caesarea Philippi. If you're a Catholic, reading this is one of those rather triumphalist moments we (occasionally) allow ourselves: the supremacy of Peter, the binding and loosing, the gates of Hell not prevailing. Today it feels good to be a Catholic.

I have always been a bit of a fascination with the place where Our Lord chose to ask Peter to make this profession of faith. Caesarea Philippi is way oop north, on the same latitude as the coastal port of Tyre, but way inland on the lower slopes of Mt Hermon and on the boarders with Lebanon. It is well known that Caeseria Philippi was also called Panias/Banias and had been settled by Hellenests since about 300BC when Alexander the Great had conquered these eastern provinces. Its alternative name gives a clue to the pagan worship of Pan that took place there. Whatever went on, it was probably highly sexualised and scandalous and just what every good Jewish person whould bring their children up to abhor. By the time of Christ, on top of the sites dedicated to Pan, was a temple dedicated to the emperor Augustus. This place was so just the right spot for the events between Our Lord and Peter to happen. The Church would destroy the twin evils of pagan worship of idols and the deification of earthly emperors. Oh, and look at that cave, it is the very mouth of hell, the locals referred to it as that, what a setting! Oh, and the place is also one of the sources of the River Jordan. Talk about theatrics, talk about perfection. Referring back to my Rahner rant from yesterday, using his logic, there has only been one "epoch" for the Chruch, it is the "epoch centred on Caeserea Philippi", we're still living this momentous event.

The "rocky outcrop" at Caesarea Philippi.

None of this will be news to any of you, you are much better read than I. But on coming home from Mass today I got to thinking how Christ's disciples must have felt, schlepping all that way to Caeseria Philippi from Galilee. They were heading deep into Gentile territory, it must have felt very threatening, they were well out of their comfort zone. What could they dredge from their knowledge of sacred scripture about the place?

So I got my bible lands maps out and tried to find what was there before Panias. Less than two miles from where they were (ie. roughly in the same spot) had stood the city of Dan (founded about 1200 BC). I'm sure the disciples would have been awareof this. Let us go back to the Book of Judges and see what went on there.

It is not an edifying tale (Judges 17 & 18). A man called Micah and his mother make a graven image out of silver for their home. Even the writer of Judges squirms a bit saying "In those days there was no king in Israel; every man did what was right in his own eyes". A dodgy Levite from Bethlehem comes into town and Micah persuades him to stay and be his priest. Meanwhile the Danites are looking for somewhere to settle, and come across Micah and his household and his priest. Eventually they persuade the priest to go off with them, taking the graven image with them to the town of Laish way up north, where they slaughter the "quiet and unsuspecting " people of the city, claim it as their own and rename it Dan.

So as much as the disciples may wish to pour scorn on the idoatory in the place where they find themselves, they will have to check themselves as, to their shame, their ancestors (fellow sons of Jacob) had graven images at that site too. It would have surely added to Simon Peter's humility at becoming the rock.

Anonymous Catholics

2011-08-20T19:32:00.003+01:00

I don't like this concept of Karl Rahner's, the Anonymous Christian, read wikipedia's synopsis of it here. More especially I have heard three sermons from different Catholic priests that have referred to Rahner's idea, and perhaps it is their interpretations of Rahner's idea that I find so objectionable.

The stock sermon goes someting like this:

Humanity is full of great people
I (the priest) met some realy great people the other day who would probably never go inside a church, but they're really great because of all the good work they do.
Rahner would call these people Anonymous Christians
They'll get to heaven, Rahner says so.

You can see the problem for the pew sitter is not so much Rahner but the interpretation of Rahner which has the world populated with really great people, much better than the ones sitting inside the church, doing much better things than the people sitting inside the church. Pew sitter really left wondering, why do I bother coming to church. It is punishment for not being some really great person? Wouldn't I be better if I just upped sticks, forgot about the Sacraments, and try to become a really great person out there in the real world?

This is dangerous stuff, very dangerous.

Now let us look at Rahner and his fascinating interpretation of Vatican II as expounded in the Catholic Times by him whose name we musn't mention. Actually, I congratulate him whose name we mustn't mention for bringing Rahner's ideas to my attention. I'd never heard of them before, and I trust the interpretation provided in the Catholic Times is a fair and accurate synopsis of Rahner's ideas.

Basically, according to you know who (no not Voldemort, you know who) Rahner bypasses the Hermeneutic of Rupture/Continuity interpretations of the Council to stress the continuity of the Church founded by Christ on Peter as moving through epochs. The Second Vatican Council representing the dawning of a new third epoch. The first epoch was centred in Jerusalem, the second in Rome, the third "will be centred on the world". This is strange; the first "epoch" lasted less than the time of Peter's active ministry, it was hardly an epoch. The "centre of gravity" of the early church was always Rome, both Peter and Paul were desperate to get there, get into the heart of the biggest empire the world had seen, and take on the world. AND they never intended it to move from Rome, the blood of the martyr popes has sanctified the place, nobody has ever suggeste that in future generations, due to the shifting power of empires, the Chruch should be centred in Ulan Bator or London, or Washington. Respectfully, Rahner, your "epoch" theory is no good.

Rahner sees this third epoch as a "self-actuation as a world-wide Church". I presume he is suggesting that at all levels, it will take into account all peoples and sort of self-organise itself to do what it is meant to do, a bit like a flock of starlings, I suppose with each starling being a "Eucharistic community". I'm realy not sure what "self-actuation" is, in a dictionary the synonym suggested was "self-stimulation", and that is just plain wrong.

**********
Perhaps Rahner just gets lost in translation. But in the mean time, faced with a choice between hermeneutics of rupture and continuity, I'll pick continuity.

Patronal meme

2011-08-19T21:01:00.004+01:00

A dumb meme is doing the rounds courtesy of some very nice people, it goes something like this:

Assuming you are a saint, and your cause has been executed, your miracles confirmed, your date on the calendar established, all that is required is to select that of which Holy Mother Church will name you Patron(ess) of.

For this meme, you must name your patronage and then tag 5 other people who would like to play along.

Linking your answer to your nominator's post would make it easier to get

your answers.

I'm not going to pass this onto anyone, it is just too silly. But for the record, and if they are not already taken, my choice for me would be:

(1) People who dislike cats
(2) People who don't like school
(3) Toilet attendents
(4) People who have to fight the medical profession

and one that hasn't happened yet, so God willing it will happen

(5) for the conversion/reversion of parents.

Marian post (3)

2011-08-17T21:01:00.004+01:00

Our Lady, St Monica and St Augustine

This is the third and last of my Marian posts to celebrate the Assumption. It concerns Our Lady of Consolation.

Most years I do my "back to school novena" to Our Lady of Consolation. The Augustinians celebrate this feast on the 4th September so the novena starts on the 27th August, for others the feast day is the 20th June. I know about the novena thanks to the Augustinian Recollects in Devon, you can find more out about them here. Once you are on their mailing list, they notify you about various novenas they support throughout the year, for each one you can have your petitions placed at the foot of their altar. They also do the "piety lists" for Holy Souls in November, I'm staggered how many parishes have stopped doing this, if your parish has stoppped this then why not support the Augustinians? I'm very fond of them, in particular for their simple and effective promotion of popular piety. Anyway I'm way off topic.....

Back to Our Lady of Consolation.

I have read that "we are not on this earth to pick the flowers of consolation" and I agree whole heartedly with this statement. The sense of consolation in this life consists of brief moments of respite, each one somewhat transient, but with grace at work, you know that the real flowers of consolation await in heaven. This allows you to enjoy the sensation of consolation while it lasts and move on to face the next battle, we are the Church Militant afterall, knowing the consolation is still there even when you can't feel it.

The Augustinian tradition has Our Lady of Consolation giving St Monica a leather cincture which she gave to her son. Augustinians still wear it today. The cincture signifies chastity and I have the feeling that nothing would have given St Augustine more consolation than chastity, he spent so much of his life engaged in and fighting the voluptuous pleasures.

And isn't this the point of the appeal of praying to Our Lady of Consolation? She knows what is best for us and it will involve hard discipline (like chastity). Consolation isn't about warm cosy feelings, big hugs and hot chocolate, it is about the grace to uphold a vrituous life. It is about our willful ordering of ourselves to the will of our Creator and this is a tall order but who better to assist than the Mother of God?

Have I ever told you how difficult I find teaching?

Our Lady of Consolation, pray for us.

Ave Maria (2)

2011-08-16T12:46:00.005+01:00

Whilst away, I went on a "chruch crawl" of the nearest big city. One of the churches was a dark and uninviting affair by the banks of the river. Like many places in southern France, there is a shrine there to the "Black Madonna" and there can be no denying that despite the garish early 20th century surroundings of this statue, there was an atmosphere and a reverence around it that certainly isn't in proportion to its beauty. Invariably these statues are primitive at best and ugly at worst.

Picture from Wiki Commons

I was left wondering what this cult was all about. For starters, it is important to reclaim these statues from the occultists who see them as relating to some pre-Christian fertility goddess. These statues are Catholic, they are in Catholic churches and the Catholic faithful can attest to the intercession of various regional Black Madonnas over the centuries.

Then I was reminded of the words of Blessed Elizabeth of the Trinity, that most scientific of mysitics. She gives a hypothesis, states the evidence, explains it and draws conclusions. Her style is succinct; some say dry, but I find it staggeringly beautiful.

After Jesus Christ, of course, and as far away as the infinite is from the finite, there exists a created being who was also the great "Praise of Glory" of the Most Holy Trinity. She correspondes fully to the divine vocation of which the Apostle speaks; she was always holy, unspotted, blameless in the sight of the thrice-holy God.

From the 15th day of her last retreat.

As far away as the infinite is from the finite, that is just it. These small Black Madonnas say just that, they are, if you like, a profound meditation on the smallness of the Incarnation and the infinity of what it contains. The black but beautiful in the Song of Songs springs to mind aswell. They are the humility of Our Lady before the majesty of the Blessed Trinity. They cannot be dismissed as "primitive".

Ave Maria

2011-08-14T15:03:00.002+01:00

I did write a post nearly 4 years ago when I was a wide eyed innocent in the ways of the bloggerdom, about my difficult realtionship with Our Lady. Difficult on my part, not hers. I had this feeling of inadequacy as a Catholic because my hyperdulia was never hyper enough, or atleast never as hyper as most other Catholics I knew.

Since then, I've just decided to let go, pray and stop trying to intellectualise it all. As a way of celebrating the Assumption, my next few posts will be Marian in flavour.

*****

There is a church many many miles from where I am now dedicated to the Immaculate Conception. At the rear of the sanctuary is some stained glass featuring, among other things, the Immaculata herself. Due to the ridiculously high (in stature not orthodoxy) sanctuary, a gift of the "modern liturgical reforms", this window is now extremely visible during Mass. What is disconcerting is that Our Lady has no face. I don't know whether the glass depicting her face fell out and was never replaced or whether the details simply wore away. It is a trifle disconcerting, but it has taken on a great significance to me, it has become soemthing of a genuine icon for me.

Then again, no artist can truly depict her beauty, though the more divinely inspired can produce great devotional pieces. Our Lady whose face I can't see, pray for us.

With this in mind, it came as no surprise to find that the first bit to wear off my brown scapula was the face of Our Lady, everything else is still clearly visibe. When I put on the scapula, Our Lady goes between my shoulders and Our Lord to my heart. Our Lady whose face I can't see, pray for us

Now there is an indelible set of images before me, of a mother helping her toddler take the first baby steps. A mother has two ways of doing this, she can either crouch before the child at a distance with arms open, welcoming the child into her arms or she can stand behind the child reassuring her that she won't fall as she totters forwards, there is a sense of a stabilising arm there if it is needed. Many will relate to the first image, I think it is particularly pertinent to priests as their path is so treacherous and their steps so shaky. I relate to the second. There is a motherly "go on keep trying" from behind me, we are facing the same way, that is why I can't see her, she knows what I'm doing even if I don't. Our Lady whose face I can't see, pray for us

Il ne marche pas

2011-08-13T19:39:00.004+01:00

I'm back from the land of the long lunch and dismal apples. I have to say it is quite nice to be back to my coffee and garlic free cuisine, but there is so much I miss from my stay with the sisters.

I miss having a bedroon 4m from the Blessed Sacrament, I miss the sung Office, I miss the good company, I miss my evening walks saying the rosary as the sun sets, I miss my devotional reading and note taking (it is so much harder to do when everything else crowds in). I knew it would only be for a short time and I knew I'd miss these things when I returned to Wessex, this just makes them all the sweeter; a real rest with God.

Before I went out, I thought I'd get organised and buy myself an adaptor for the 2-pin French plugs, this would enable me to charge my phone, charge the batteries for my camera and use my hairdryer. Well, on opening said adapter in France, the small print with the "instructions" said that it may not work on older French sockets. Too right! I was nearly filled with indignation. My camera batteres were flat, I hadn't had time to charge them up before I went, my phone was in a similar state and I do need to wash and dry my hair every 6 days or so....

I willed myself not to get irritated and just to accept that I would have no pictures of my stay and only select contact with the outside world by text. Hair drying was a challenge, but no worse than the challenge I faced (which incidentally made me feel very British) about just how do you keep yourself clean for 10 days with only a bidet and a bucket.

"Not getting irritated" starts to take on a spiritual dimension, it calms the heart, it prevents frustration that my spoken French is so lousy and means that communication is done generously, with love and with very few words. All this means that even the little things become time with God and "time with God" itself takes on a transcendent quality (as it realy ought to); something stored up for eternity that can never be taken away from you, unlike photographs, phone calls and the taste of strong black coffee.

2011-08-01T20:24:00.004+01:00

I'm off for some much needed rest and recuperation with the sisters who live here. You remain in my prayers, and no fighting whilst I'm away.....

Keep Bishop Crispian in your prayers

2011-07-31T13:39:00.001+01:00

Bishop Crispian Hollis has sent the following letter to the clergy of the Diocese of Portsmouth.

Dear Brothers,

You will all know that I have been struggling a bit this year with health problems and I seem to have been spending a great deal of time in surgery waiting rooms and the QA hospital.

To cut a long story short, I was given a CT scan at the QA in the middle of June and I have now received the results, which are not very good.

The scan has revealed cancer of the bowel, which is probably malignant, though that has yet to be definitively confirmed by biopsy on Monday August 1st and an MRI scan on August 2nd.

Whatever the results of the tests may be, it is likely that I will have to face major surgery sometime in September. Between now and then, I will be spending my time between Portsmouth and Somerset though I hope to join the Diocesan Pilgrimage to Lourdes from August 21st till August 27th.

I will, of course, keep you as informed as I can about what is happening, but, in the meantime, I would be very grateful for your support and prayers, together with the prayers of all in the diocese.

With my love and blessings to you all,

Bishop Crispian

Holy Hour

2011-07-29T20:31:00.006+01:00

It hadn't ever occurred to me, until it was mentioned in a sermon recently that the supreme example of the Evangelical Counsels (Poverty, Chastity and Obedience) is Our Lord in the Blessed Sacrament. I found myself meditating on this during Holy Hour today....and if Christ himself lives by these counsels, we ought to aswell (to the extent that our state of life will permit). They aren't just for the consecrated religious.

Poverty: The poverty of the host, the poverty of the surroundings, no matter how beautiful the church or the monstrance, the poverty of the company Our Lord is keeping during Holy Hour....Holy Poverty is infinitely generous and beautifully simple.

Chastity: The chaste love Our Lord has for each of us. The love that never imposes itself, but patiently waits for us to draw closer to it, only desiring our good....Holy Chastity is passive and demure (the candles and the sunlight through the windows outshine the Host).

Obedience: Our Lord is obedient to the prayers of the priest as He is made present at Mass and becomes our Divine Prisoner in the tabernacle. Our Lord is obedient to us as he listens to our fumbling prayers and sees our unworthy devotion. ...Holy Obedience is humble to the point of nakedness and totally underserved by those who are being obeyed.

What have we done to deserve any of this?

painting by Jan van Kessel (17th century)

A gallery of fake tapestries

2011-07-24T14:49:00.004+01:00

Clerics have opined here and here that a lot of the problems in Ireland at the moment are certainly not helped by the calibre of their Bishops. There are many in this country, myself included, with considerable emotional attachements to Ireland who really grieve over what is happening and the unimaginable pain of many of the Irish priests who feel so scandalously scapegoated.

From the perspective of a lay person, I wish to add my voice to the discussion and say that I'm fairly convinced finger-pointing is just as much an Irish trait as an English one and that it is perhaps time to move away from all that and not blame the Bishops, the Vatican, the Irish government or even the laity (thought their silent complicity and two facedness is staggering). Everyone has some guilt in this, the penance needed is nation (and diaspora) wide.

So much of this, to me, boils down to concepts of nationhood. The Irish Republic is such a mess because it still divides into the Pale and beyond the Pale. My folks were Dublin people, beyond the Pale was where you went for a holdiday, romancing the poverty in your little holiday bothy with no modern conveniences. Back in Dublin, you were cosmopolitan, you looked East, to the rest of Europe, you cultivated friendships with the Jesuits and the more "educated" of the clerical caste, you were proud many of your friends were drawn from Ireland's Jewish, C o I communities or claimed ancestry from Dublin's Hugenots. The rest of Ireland seemed ever so slightly phoney. I don't think the history of my people will be too different from the history of others from the upwardly mobile, nice suburbs of Dublin. It is a world away from so much of the rest of the country.

The Irish as a nation are a people of superlatives. I only have to think of the many Irish priests I have known; they are the kindest, most generous, the most zealous, the most firey, most lazy, most ignorant, most willfully truculant, most articulate, most charismatic, most incoherent...you will meet.

Perhaps the biggest national trait is an unwillingness to face the Truth. Ireland's past is too painful, Ireland's present too messy, Ireland's future too uncertain. So everyone is colouring everyone else to weave a tapestry of half-truths and obfuscation, to conceal the collective guilt and collective trauma of a people desperately clinging to the Sham Celtic crosses and kissing the Blarney stone.

********
Apologies for this, I've been reading MacNeice again, and him a son of an Ulster clergyman, his poem Valediction says a lot about why my folks left Ireland and it articulates some of my feelings for the place.

Magdalene collage

2011-07-22T20:40:00.013+01:00

Below is a picture essay of some of the best and worst depictions of today's saint. Personally, I prefer the penitent Magdalene to be modestly dressed with no allusions to her alleged past misdeeds. Pentitence through prayerful study would seem to be most fitting for someone who spent so much of her time at the feet of Christ. Any other "penitence of the body" stuff ought to be totally private and depicting it in art makes us little better than voyeurs. If I'm trying to say anything at all with this picture essay it is that the centuries of objectification of this particular woman detract from the real power of her story.

Below is one of my favourites: Roger van der Weyden's Magdalene reading

good posts see here and here

thoughts at morning Mass

2011-07-21T21:30:00.008+01:00

The readings at daily Mass recently have been following Moses from the beginning of Exodus onwards. They have been long, they are difficult to take in and priests seem reluctant to preach on them. So why include them? It is always good and fitting to hear of the triumphal routing of Pharoah in the Red Sea at the Easter Vigil, why does it make any more sense to include it again during "Ordinary" time?

Is there some mysterious link to the Gospel readings for the day I haven't yet fathomed? Exodous does not make for easy teaching material and left out of context as a somewhat disjointed first reading at Mass seems so pointless.

I have a personal problem with this too. A good five years ago I was involved in the preparing a young woman for Confirmation who was as intelligent and articulate as I was inexperienced. The story of the parting of the Red sea came up in our lessons. It is seen as a prefiguring of baptism. Now I love analysing the Old Testament in this way, seeing how it points to the New, and far be it for me to criticise Chruch Fathers and Doctors but this young woman came up with the following and I remain a little stumped. She said:

This is not right. This is not the infinitely merciful God I want to believe in and grow to love. How can he treat the Egyptians so badly? Yes Pharoah was bad and stubborn but there was no need to rout his forces so completely. These Egyptians had souls, there would be good and bad amongst them, why did he treat them worse than the town of Sodom (at least he let Lot escape from there). What has this to do with baptism?

I had no answer at the time and it has been bugging me ever since.

Here are a few thoughts of my own:

The sons of Israel did not get wet going through the Red Sea, how does this prefigure Baptism? The routing of the Egyptians "just" shows the greatness of God, and greatness must include here "ineffableness".

Surely, the twelve springs at Elim in the next chapter are a better prefiguring of Baptism? God makes a statute for Israel before they get to the springs saying "If you will diligently listen to the voice of the Lord your God, and do that which is right in his eyes, and give heed to his commandments and keep all his statutes, I will put none of the diseases upon you which I put upon the Egyptians; for I am the Lord, your healer."

I'm left with the uncomfortable feeling that if the parting of the Red Sea is a prefiguring of baptism, then it is the Egyptians who are getting baptised, they certainly died by the power of God, which certainly meant they were unable to do anymore bad things. They would certainly have been aware of the power of God and some of them may have felt contrition for their treatment of the Israelites. Now, for a take on salvation history that might just have met with the approval of this young woman; was it possible then for the some of the Egyptians then to enter Sheol and await the coming of the Lord?

Aftertaste

2011-07-08T20:17:00.007+01:00

Well, I seem to have got to the end of another school year. There have been times during this one when I really thought I wasn't going to make it.

Below are a sample of the random musings from my sugar-lite brain.

I found an article recently in a reputable journal detailing the effects of induced hypoglycemia in healthy individuals. The doctors found that intellectual function was not significantly impaired, but that ability to concentrate, respond to multiple stimuli and react at speed, all were. I find this to be true of the state I'm in too, yet my specialists say I don't exhibit "normal" signs of hypoglycemia. I'm sick of having to justify how ill I am. All I know is that I find my job increasingly difficult to do becuase of its resemblance to herding kittens, there are just too many things going on, my mind starts to freeze. If the doctors don't come up with something soon, I'm going to have to seriously consider a career change, I love my job, but I no longer have the faculties to do it well. I have serious issues with the protocols in the UK for measuring insulin concentration. Basically, it is expensive so they only send samples off to be analysed having first checked your blood glucose levels. This is daft, it is not measuring glucose concentration in the brain and is not done for medical reasons, it has meant every test I've had has been inconclusive, because there has not been enough insulin monitoring in each test to rule anything in or out. It ends up costing the NHS more because they keep having to repeat each test. Meanwhile, I'm growing old.

Visited a Russian Orthodox church recently, I was overwhelmed at its beauty and the fact that the priest graciously drew back the curtain in the iconostasis so we could see the altar and tabernacle. It was profoundly moving and so kind of our host.

Visited an Anglican cathedral recently. A party of school children were being encouraged to sit on the steps of the high altar, whilst one of their classmates was being dressed as a bishop and sat in the cathedra for a giggle and some pictures.

I'm summoning up the courage to cut my own hair. I hate going to hairdressers. Husband used to give it a trim every few months...it is beginning to get a bit of a mess. I don't quite trust all the self-help guides on youtube for cutting your own hair.

Why is it so difficult to buy soap-flakes from a shop? There 20 different kinds of fabric softener and I don't know how many different aromas for water in your steam iron, but nothing useful like soap. So many things just wash better in soap than more modern washing products. Yes, I'm definitely getting old.

Why can't I buy this stuff either?

Why does everything have to be minty? Who said minty means you mouth is clean? Minty is yeuch, and leaves me with an aftertaste, the original was best (but to be used sparingly).

******
Actually blogging leaves a bit of an aftertaste when such a deep tragedy is welling up in the Horn of Africa.

Don't Fall

2011-07-03T16:10:00.006+01:00

I can't quite work out why, but I've been musing about minor orders: lamenting their demise, lamenting the fact I can't find an English translation of Paul VIs Motu Proprio Ministeria Quaedam, which was interpreted so as to sound the death knell for them (surely they still exist?), and wondering more generally if there was some much needed way of de-clericalizing the laity who have roles within our houses of God.

My musings have led me down the following path; there is a lay equivalent to minor orders which are necessary progressive steps towards fulfilling our commandments to love God and neighbour, this lay equivalent has no relationship to lay ministries within the Church, and indeed should make all such "ministries" dubious. Let me explain:

Tonsure the first minor order, an outward non-permanent sign of commitment to God and detachment from the world. Lay equivalent:an outward visible sign of commitment to the Church (like wearing a crucifix meaningfully).

Porter , the custodian of the House of God. Lay equivalent: making our own homes and ourselves welcoming to our neighbours and making homes where God is welcome with space for prayer, holy pictures, holy water and such like.

Reader. Self explanatory really. Lay equivalent: making time for study of the scriptures and an openness to finding God within the scriptures NOT reading at Mass.

Exorcist now we all know this doesn't mean Exorcist as in a priest with the sanctity to cast out demons, but what it does mean is an acknowlgement of the reality of Satan's power and the determination to fight it by loathing sin and taming our concupiscence. This really ought to be much the same for adult laity.

Acolyte, developing the purity to serve at the altar. Lay equivalent: growing in love for our Eucharistic Lord and a desire for purity and worthy reception of Communion. A growing sense of the reality of the sacrificial nature of our love of God and neighbour. It is NOT about serving at the altar for the laity.

Is it just possible to see the steps present in the non-sacramental, non-liturgically instituted minor orders as necessary steps in the holiness of all God's people? But that there are two distinct routes, one for those men called to the priesthood and who have to go even higher to be an alter Christus, and one for the lay faithfull, who can never be readers and acolytes in the priesthood route. Any serving or reading the lay are allowed to do is given them by a priest in recognition of their commitment to God, but it is not a "ministry" or a calling, the calling lies in following the "minor orders" in the state in which God desires of you.

Onwards and upwards, whatever step you're on, don't fall off.

*********
P.S

Thanks to Andrew, I now have a translation of Paul VI's Motu Proprio. At first glance it is a depressing doucment, however, I do think that 40 years down the line, his envisaged reforms and institution of "lay ministries" simply hasn't happened. These are the guidelines for the opening up of Acolyte and Reader to the lay faithful:

7. In accordance with the ancient tradition of the Church, institution to the ministries of reader and acolyte is reserved to men.

8. The following are requirements for admission to the ministries:

(a) the presentation of a petition that has been freely made out and signed by the aspirant to the Ordinary (the bishop and, in clerical institutes, the major superior) who has the right to accept the petition;
(b) a suitable age and special qualities to be determined by the conference of bishops;
(c) a firm will to give faithful service to God and the Christian people.

9. The ministries are conferred by the Ordinary (the bishop and, in clerical institutes, the major superior) through the liturgical rite De institutione lectoris and De institutione acolythi as revised by the Apostolic See.
http://www.ewtn.com/library/papaldoc/p6minors.htm

Has this happened anywhere? Certainly in not in the West, but possibly in mission territory where it no doubt has produced fruit.

All those who think they are lay ministers of the word, involved in the lay ministry of flower arranging, lay minsitry of greeting and handing out hymn books, lay ministry of choosing inappropriate hymns...etc etc...are simply mistaken. None of that is contained within this MP. Is there some other Motu Proprio that legitimises these lay ministries?

a land of fiery serpents, scorpions and thirst

2011-06-27T20:38:00.010+01:00

Shell has a good post on addiction and the 12 Steps. I'd always say that if someone gets something out of the 12 steps AA approach then they must keep going, however it is not for everyone, in much the same way as Ignatian Sprituality isn't the only "method" for moving to higher levels of holiness.

Where I think the AA approach falls down is that it doesn't necessarily address (in a language of the heart) the needs of an addict who is a devout believer. The higher power is essentially quite vague and nowhere is there the loving, creative genius of the Blessed Trinity. God for a devout Christian is a higher power who made Himself vulnerable, who was wounded, who loves us more than we can ever know, who died for us so that we can be redeemed. With language like that the higher power can just seem too impersonal, too remote. A devout Christian will often want to talk about God (in particular Jesus) in the meetings and have virtually no common ground with the other members of the group.

If this happens AA can leave one big empty hole where help and support ought to be. It is not the fault of the group.

Years ago there was a Catholic AA group called Calyx, I don't think they are still going. I wonder what it was like? Was concupiscence mentioned, were the twin assaults of the world and the Devil on the addict ever touched upon? Was there the chance for frequent Confession? Was there the chance for time before the Blessed Sacrament.

You see, the Catholic addict is just like the rest of us Catholics, only in more vivid technicolour: ever trying to be good, loved by God, deeply feeling God's presence at times, deeply repelled by their own depravity at others, often hopelessly optimistic about the future, mainly chaotic about the present, wounded by the world and teased mercilessly by the Devil, insanley creative, deeply passionate, generous and caring, and maddeningly frustrating to everyone around them.

My worry is that when an addict asks the Church for help, the response often is "have you tried AA?" , just maybe this isn't enough, just maybe we could do so much more in our own spiritual frameworks, with 5000+ years of experience of human suffering (including Old Testament times) and 2000 years experience of Redemptive Sacrificial Love.

*********
P.S.

This is not nearly as bad as the rejection from the medical profession I fear many alcoholics face. Consider the sex addict who repeatedly picks up venereal disease; are they denied a visit to the clap clinic to pick up some magic brew to soothe their ills? No they are not. Consider the compulsive overeater: are they denied treatment for the type 2 diabetes that has developed as a result of their dreadful affliction? No they are not. Why then is the alcoholic who has become chemically dependent on alcohol to the extent that removal of the drug may be fatal unless medically supervised, denied access to a secure detox? Something is very wrong.

As the most cerebral band* ever to make music out of an angle grinder once ranted:

"Hypocrisy is the greatest luxury: raise the double standard!"

*The Disposable Heroes of Hiphoprisy

The assaults of the world (with all its screwy logic), on the weak and vulnerable can be more deadly than the assaults of the Devil.

Bumble Bees and Tanquerey

2011-06-26T17:39:00.005+01:00

A beautiful day for the feast of Corpus Christi. I haven't made it to any processions this year, a bit lonely without my husband's beautiful but loud singing voice at my side. Instead, I'll quote you a bit of Tanquerey because it seems appropriate:

One must not fail to thank God for the lights and the loving sentiments He has vouchsafed to us, to thank Him too for the very darkness and weariness of soul in which He has at times allowed us to remain. Even these are profitable to us unto humility, unto the acknowledgment of our unworthiness to receive divine favours; profitable, becuase they enable us to adhere more frequently by will to Him Who even in the midst of our aridity, pours into us in a hidden and mysterious manner His life and His virtues. We ask Him to communicate to our souls His action and His life. "O Jesus living in Mary, come and live in thy servants." We beg Him to accept and transform the little good within us :"Take Lord, and accept my liberty."

Actualy, the only distress I've seen today are the poor bumble bees that decided to nest in the compost bin. Not a good choice of residence in this heat, they are rather distressed and are fanning the entrance in a frenzy. I've taken the lid off the bin, but they're still not happy.

2011-06-18T17:16:00.004+01:00

What do you do with your husband's side of the bed when he's gone?

That was where he said his prayers, morning and night, but it used to be a mess of shoes and pharmacy products for his skin. They've all gone now. I can't bear to empty his sock drawer, but shoes gatheting dust and stuff form the chemist have all been consigned to the archives of oblivion.

I decided it would be where I'd say my prayers too. That is the drop leaf table I bought with my first wage. The Our Lady of Perpetual Succor was my grandfather's. The prayer card is Bl John Henry, the prayer book is Paul's copy of John Henry's Meditations and Devotions, he was never without it. The Sacred Heart was my mother-in-law's. The other picture is St Thomas Aquinas. Infront of that on a card is the Te Deum, which I say most mornings. There are also some blessed medals that were with Paul when he died and my relic of Bl Elizabeth of the Trinity. Everything has some significance which goes beyond blurring sentimental memory...

It is not a shrine to him. I just felt I needed a strong focus for prayer in the house to remind me to keep praying for him and to hope I can be inspired to match his intense prayer life.

Just thought I'd share that with you.

Modern Fiction

2011-06-16T19:59:00.005+01:00

I can't help feeling that with all the publicity over unanswerable questions in our public examinations, everyone will be looking for something wrong in every paper. Exam papers are never perfect. I do however feel the need to draw the reader's attention towards some other issues regarding our examination system. Is it just blatantly anti-truth?

Consider the following A'Level Religion and Philosophy question from a few years back on Celtic Christianity

Examine features of Celtic monasticism.

Somehow the expected answer promotes the black legend that the Celtic Church was somehow cosy, fluffy and good, till Rome went and squashed it. Well, I don't think St Patrick would be able to agree with the answer in the mark scheme. Celtic monasticism was tough, tough, tough. Not that I'm an expert, but what to you think of this for the answer in the mark scheme?

Monasticism was the primary model for the development of Christian communities in the Celtic Church. It replaces the Diocesan model of Roman Christianity. Celtic
monasticism derived from the ideas of Eastern Fathers and adapted well to the needs
of rural tribal communities. Variation in size from small places of retreat and solitude in
remote areas to large communities. Monastic communities open; not closed as in
Roman / Benedictine model; sense of mission; worship and serving community
important features. Sexes mixed freely in some, e.g. mixed monasteries such as
Whitby. Allowed both married and celibate monks. Not governed by any uniform rule
such as Roman models (e.g. Benedictine), local rules under authority of local Abbot.
Physical structure often reflected tribal communities. Small huts and small churches
within circular enclosure. Monks had soul friends or ‘anamchairde’ (idea derived from
druid counsellors). Key centres of learning and mission, and hospitality.

Here's another:

Outline the thoery of evolution AND explain how it challenges religious belief.

What if it doesn't? Hmm....

I was also concerned to see the following rider on the bottom of all questions on an English Literature paper:

Note that you should demonstrate what it means to be considering texts as a modern reader, in a modern context, and that other readers at other times may well have had other responses.

Just how are you supposed to follow that rider when you can write about the Metaphysical Poetry of Donne and Herbert....and when the poetry is explicitly religious surely there is only meant to be one, timeless response? I'm no apologist for the poetry of John Donne, I find his conceits too conceited and his attitude far too liberal and touchy-feely. But religious conviction is religious conviction and just who is this modern reader anyway?

Our poor young people. Can we not come up with something better than this as our "gold standard"?

My new favourite book ever....

2011-06-12T16:22:00.007+01:00

I picked this up for £1 in a bookshop yesterday and have been reluctant to put it down since I started reading it. It is quite simply brilliant.

The Spiritual Life: a treatise on Ascetical and Mystical Theology- Very Rev Adolphe Tanquerey SS, DD

As a scientist, I'm happier reading text books than story books or touchy-feely "my experience" books. This is a text book on the science of the Saints. It is just the best resource I have ever seen for growing into your faith. It puts everything together in a coherent framework, showing the relationships between the Creator and the created and comprehensively goes through your life and your relationship with God.

Book 1: The purification of your soul (the purgative way)
Book 2: Progress in the Christian virtues (the illuminative way)
Book 3: the unitive way - the Holy Spirit and Infused Contemplation

It draws on all the major Catholic contemplative traditions.

A dry read, but an illuminating and beautiful one nevertheless.

I think Tan books have a current edition of this.

My copy has the words "ora pro Mr. Barton" written in the front, and that I will do.

What is up with you people?

2011-06-08T17:17:00.006+01:00

It looks like Joe has taken his bat home over the increasingly smug and self satisfied nature of the debate on the blogs regarding the use of the older (extraordinary form) of the Roman Rite as opposed to the newer (ordinary form). I’m not happy about this, there are too few Catholic Physicist bloggers as it is. There is certainly nothing wrong with Joe’s statement that Archbishop Conti makes some reasonable points regarding the use of the EF, I'd agree with some of what ++Conti says too. EF friendly bloggers are too quick to snipe.

What neither ++ Conti or Joe can do, because they are no lovers of the older form is add to the debate (currently somewhat one sided) over “mutual enrichment” between the two forms. There is far too much smugness out there that the OF could not possibly enrich the EF. It is this that I wish to challenge.

I wish to point out that I am in a very privileged position of being able to get to both forms, appreciating both forms, and being able to attend Mass where both forms are done exceedingly well. This is not a position I think many people in this country are lucky enough to be in.

With regard to the newer rite; how many people have access to it in Latin? Paul had insisted on his requiem Mass being done in Latin. He didn’t specify OF or EF so I chose the OF for him. The EF would simply have been too much of a culture shock for his younger Catholic relatives. They were staggered by the beauty of a Latin Mass and the older Catholic relatives remembered the responses and quite significantly were unaware that it was the newer rite. They had forgotten that before 1972 they would not have been making responses in the way they do now (dialogue Masses were never widespread). I would argue that we will not get anywhere until the newer form is offered more widely in Latin. This provides the continuity with the older form and makes it less of a stumbling block for those who think the older form is a minority rite (or is that “right”) and wish it to remain so.

So what can the newer rite bring to the older? Firstly, I’d say that diction is important. People are now used to hearing the Mass. To those who have never really understood the older form and for all newcomers, it is important that the words of the server and the celebrant that should be heard, can be heard (even if only softly). People must also recongnise that the server (in the EF only) is there representing us. When he says the Confiteor, so do we, when the server says “Domine non sum dignus” so do we, in so many ways the “priesthood of all believers” is beautifully expressed in the actions of the server at the EF…. The newer rite also brings with it an appreciation of the structure of the Mass and quality prayerful responses (chugging your way through the rosary during Mass is not a satisfactory option). The newer rite also brings with it an understanding of the speed with which words should be said. There is far more of a tendency to speed up the Latin in the EF than there is with the English OF, the newer rite tells us explicitly this does not enrich the Mass. A rushed and garbled Last Gospel at the end of an EF Mass can be such a disappointment. Newer rite people want to feel they are participating, this is as it should be, they are just a bit hazy about what participation is. Get them following the priest and being with the server during the EF and you will be astounded by how much richness they get from the experience.

Also, and I may be being more controversial here, I will argue that a NO High Mass in Latin is the supreme Mass of the Roman Rite, it is superior to the EF High Mass because it flows better. Also being usually versus populum , seeing the incensing of the altar and the cleaning of the sacred vessels and the interaction between deacon, sub-deacon and celebrant makes for a far more staggeringly complete and sacred experience. Never seen this? Well I think you can guess which congregation may be able to provide this on a routine basis.

Unless we recognise the prayerfulness and validity of the objections of many for whom liking the older rite is a mystery, we will not succeed with the “mutual enrichment” which is simply has to happen and which is not an option.

2011-06-05T20:22:00.006+01:00

Went to Mass today for the Feast of the Ascension, and glorious it was too, a beautiful and very different sermon from Thursday, based heavily of the Holy Father's latest book on Jesus of Nazareth. It is just a shame they don't extinguish the Paschal candle at the OF Mass for the Ascension like they do at the Tridentine, it is a gesture loaded with symbolism and hope.

Actually I was sat in a little bloggers corner of people who were at the EF on Thursday, but in my self imposed anonimity, they do not know I know who they are......

Lovely too was vespers for the Feast of the Ascension, from which I have recently returned. The vespers hymn has an outstanding final verse:

Tu, dux ad astra, et sémita,
Sis meta nostris córdibus,
Sis lacrimárum gáudium,
Sis dulce vitae praemium.
Amen.

which translates very roughly as:

Our guide, our way to heavenly rest,
Be thou the aim of every breast;
Be thou the soother of our tears,
Our sweet reward above the spheres.
Amen.

H/T David Forster for the full text.

Now that's something to have on your tombstone.

Have I done wrong?....

2011-06-03T15:22:00.004+01:00

I have been trying to be a daily communicant since my husband died, and for the most part I am succeeding. It involves going to lots of different churches, which in itself is no bad thing. However, it is putting me in some difficult quandries.

Last Friday I attended an OF Mass in honour of St Augustine of Canterbury, I had good reason to attend an EF Mass on the Saturday, many miles from home, but was a little anxious because in the old calendar his feast day was the Saturday, I'm uneasy about doing feast days twice in the same year. With luck (or because the celebrant had previously said the Mass for St Augustine) we had the optional memorial for Blessed Margaret Pole. Excellent and what a good choice, what a fine woman!

This Thursday, I couldn't help but go to the OF Mass for the feast of the Ascension. It felt right to go. It was well attended and very prayerful. I have been in full mourning since the funeral and not wanting to go all Victorian over this, I'd decided that the after the Ascension would be a good time to lighten up my dress a bit. The moving of the feast to Sunday doesn't make any sense in this context, I wanted to "lighten up" after the feast, after the 40 days, and seeing as how my husband's fatal illness had been so linked to Holy Week, I wanted the correct 40 days.

Me want, me want...... I know...what a brat!

Problem is, what to do on Sunday.? I can't miss Mass. But I can't go to the OF Ascension either (can I?).

Does this mean I have to attend an early morning EF low mass on the Sunday? Probably...this will be good for my humility... (I'll say no more than that, but it has nothing to do with the time or the priests involved).

Shop around was a good song by Smokey Robinson and the Miracles, but it is no way to treat the Church.

The Ascension and Pentecost window from St Mary the Virgin- Fairford (some of the best surviving pre-reformation stained glass in the UK)- photographed by Eric Hardy.

Compromise...

2011-06-02T19:44:00.005+01:00

...that is not a word I like much.

This may explain why I don't think I'll ever run for anything like a senior management post in a Catholic School. Let me explain, my own very personal view, and may it not detract from those valiant people who are trying to make a go of upholding Catholicism within our education system.

Firstly, there is the compromise of mission. The mission of any Catholic school is to prepare the child for heaven through guiding them to a full life in Christ. The mission is compromised by the needs to fit out the child with examination success and grades. We really do place too high an emphasis on exam grades; what do they really produce other than wage slaves?

Secondly, there is the compromise of quality. Nobody is actually brave enough to say that the content of the vast majority of examinations is poor. It needs many man hours and skilled examiners to mark essays and detailed scientific problems. Most examinations now are "chunked" into markable protions, this means there is a preponderance of fact/vocabulary based questions and little to test real understanding and the development of concepts and ideas. But learning for examination is putting the cart before the horse. Sadly, there is no real alternative to this approach, especially with the dire methodology associated with modular exams "learn this chunk, then forget it and go onto the next module".

Thirdly, there is is a compromise in dignity. The individual and the nurturing their talents is secondary to a conformity and passivity within a group of learners to "get on with the course". The pupils who naturally questions things, who need to learn slowly, who need to read everything aloud, who need to draw pictures, who are precocious and don't like working with their peers, who like to tell stories, who like to create and invent things, who are obsessive in neatness and attention to detail....are all let down. They are all fishes swept up in the same drag net to be sorted on the ship and often to be thrown back into the sea, traumatised and half-dead, becuse they don't meet the right criteria.

Finally, there is a compromise in charity. To be a teacher is to give back everything you have been given in bucket loads. All the hours teachers put into your development, you return with interest. Any iota of enthusiasm and inspiration you had, you try to return to the classroom only more so. Any joy you have for your faith and the Church you also try to intstill in your pupils, sadly, this last one is the hardest, but most important. The compromise comes in that this is made a secondary, often incidental, aim of your teaching rather than the primary aim. Through being Catholic and not being able to say that the Catholic Church IS one, true, and apostolic and that truth, wisdom, beauty and the surest road to salvation can only be really found within her, we are compromising our charity and not doing anyone any favours. But such a message is deemed offensive, we cannot celebrate the Church, its teachings and its relationship with Christ in a way that realy makes us "walk the walk and talk the talk".

Schultz- Charlie Brown

Somehow, I, personally don't find it right for me to accept the money to do a job in senior management that smacks so highly of compromise and political expediency.

Catholic Teachers

2011-06-01T13:57:00.004+01:00

If I attend Mass in the Archdiocese of Birmingham, I am confronted by a large poster the church porches asking, imploring Catholic school teachers to put themselves forward for roles in senior management and headship. I have no doubt that there is an ageing of the leadership in Catholic schools and we are heading for a crisis in recruitment of suitably qualified teachers to fit the bill. A crisis not unlike the crisis of the shortage of Physics teachers, a near catastrophic number are due to retire in the next five years and their replacements do not stay in the profession. As both a Catholic and a Physicist I'm probably very well placed in the "job security" stakes.

However, if I were well enough, would I answer the call to leadership in a School?

This is a question I do keep asking myself. Every time I ask it however, the answer in no. This is partly because I do not feel I have any skills in leadership, but as I have never tried to go for even a single promotion, I cannot be certain of this.

The main reason is due to the nature of our Catholic schools themselves. To me (and this is a personal view) they reflect the wider ignorance of the faith amongst the baptized faithful in general. Any Catholic school will have three different "types" of believer as well as assorted unbelievers and antagonists. The types are:

The Sadducee: a career Catholic for whom the faith is little more than a stepping stone. They believe the Church is out of step with current thinking, they want a lot of things to change. They are often not regular Mass goers but usually end up being on charge of "Catholicity" within the school as they are seen as an approachable face of Catholicism to the unbelievers and antagonists. Incidentally each board of governors seems to have an antagonist/atheist with an axe to grind.....;
The Pharisee: this person will never be promoted or consulted on any policy regarding the Catholic future of the school. They are feared because they know their stuff and make the Sadducee's very uncomfortable. What really annoys the Sadducee is they often have the respect of the children...."go figure" as our friends in the US might say.
The "haven't got much of a clue": these are nice, nice people and regular Mass goers. They tend to go along with whatever is being offered, they are a great help at School Masses, where the Pharisees are often inwardly cringing and hiding somewhere and pretending not to know the words to "Shine Jesus Shine", at least the "haven't got much of a clue" teachers make sure mobile phones are confiscated and the children genuflect etc.

School chaplains can fall into any of these categories, though mention needs to be made a a very special form of female school chaplain. She is usually a cat lover, has dangly earrings and seems to be a priestess in some bizarre cultic candle worship. Perhaps the category "lost the plot" would be appropriate here.

This explosive brew is simply not a good recipe for a solid Catholic educational establishment. I may write later on what I think a good Catholic school would be like. In the mean time I think such a vast evangelisation of parents and pupils needs to take place within parish communities that I will probably devote my energies there rather than within the Catholic education system.

A typical school chapel somewere in England

Maybe it's my age....

2011-05-30T12:16:00.003+01:00

but I love these brutes.

Nice to know one is still doing useful work and producing that wonderful noise.

2011-05-28T17:33:00.004+01:00

People keep asking me if I'm feeling OK. How am I supposed to respond? Well, dear blogger chums, perhaps you can understand if I say I'm living Psalm 83 at the moment, that is how I feel. I am reading this Psalm a lot:

How lovely are thy tabernacles, O Lord of hosts!
My soul longeth and fainteth for the courts of the Lord
My heart and my flesh have rejoiced in the living God.
For the sparrow hath found herself a house,
and the turtle a nest for herself where she may lay her young ones:

Thy altars, O Lord of hosts, my king and my God.
Blessed are they that dwell in thy house, O Lord;
they shall praise thee for ever and ever.

Blessed is the man whose help is from thee:
in his heart he hath disposed to ascend by steps,
in the vale of tears, in the place which he hath set.

For the lawgiver shall give a blessing,
they shall go from virtue to virtue:
the God of gods shall be seen in Sion.
O Lord God of hosts, hear my prayer:
give ear, O God of Jacob.

Behold, O God our protector:
and look on the face of thy Christ.
For better is one day in thy courts above thousands.
I have chosen to be an abject in the house of my God,
rather than to dwell in the tabernacles of sinners.
For God loveth mercy and truth:
the Lord will give grace and glory.
He will not deprive of good things them that walk in innocence:
O Lord, blessed is the man that trusteth in thee.

I am also utterly overwhelmed by the kindness and generosity of my fellow humans. I feel totally undeserving. It is (for me) a great act of the will and the intellect as well as the heart to try to respond to his ourpouring of love and affection by giving as I receive. It isn't easy for me. I am a sinner, my natural instinct is to dismiss such kindness as mere sentimentality, and just let myself get by with a heart that is little more than a pilot light of warmth and charity.

Last offices

2011-05-21T16:09:00.005+01:00

If you are a UK resident and your loved one dies in hospital, you may be interested in the following from the Good Funeral Guide

I have had a morbid interest in that particular blog for some time, though I must warn readers it's content and some of the views of its writer are not Catholic (however that is not a criticism). We can't live in an Amish like bubble and it is an excelllent resource to get to grips with the confused secular world and its prevailing attitudes towards death and dying.

I draw your attention to the linked article becuse some of you may be quite astonished and ought to be outraged by the way some UK hospitals treat the bodies of the dead. I was astonished and didn't quite believe it till it happened to my husband.

Due to reasons I'm not going into, my husband's Requiem Mass and funeral will be this Wednesday, just over two weeks since he died. The hospital where Paul died routinely sends its patients to the undertakers in body bags with cannulas and catheters still attached. Body bags from this hospital are often full of urine. People who die at home or in nursing care are not treated like this. Anyway, my husband was very sick when he died and the treatment of his body after his death by the hospital meant that it has deteoriated rapidly. This is distressing, very distressing. But I want you to know it is happening and will probably keep on happening for some time.

One way round this is to make sure you ask to view the body in the hospital mortuary. They have to clean it up them....

Tact will prevent me from mentioning the name of the hospital involved, which sadly will prevent me from telling you the name of the church where the requiem will take place (at 1pm). However, Paul is going out with full Catholic honours; being received into church the night before, a black pall over the coffin, black vestments, Latin (novus ordo) Mass, sung In Paradisum on leaving the church......

I don't need to remind you that the Church in such a special gift and blessing; do everything in your power to help it flourish.

2011-05-13T20:34:00.003+01:00

It has taken me a while to get here, but I now have to report the news to you that my husband, Paul died at 9.20 pm on Tuesday 10th May. I humbly ask now that you pray for the repose of his soul.

It was a good death. It was a beautiful death. I wake up every morning and cry because I cannot believe I was able to participate in such an outpouring of grace. Perhaps one day I'll write in more detail, but not now.

Actually, I implore you too to pray for a happy death as he did every night. It is such an important thing to do.

If I could, on my own testimony, raise Bl John Henry and my dear Bl Elizabeth of the Trinity to be amongst the canonised saints, I'd do so now. They have worked miracles for us in the last few weeks.

I also give thanks to God for your wonderful prayers and support. This is the real power of blogging, and never let us forget that.

************

Well my dear St Rita, I'm a widow now like you, what ever next .....?

Update...

2011-05-08T16:08:00.005+01:00

My husband remains critical. One of his doctors seems to be getting impatient, it is useless to tell him supernatural battles are taking place too and that things will happen in their own time.

One of the things about having your other half in such a condition, is that I'm finding I need to be scrupulous about my own conduct. I was glad St Peter used that very word in the second reading today. I'm finding that if my own conduct is rigorous in terms of examination of conscience, charity and patience and all done out of love for the Lord, it leads to a welcome calmness. Although the demons of doubt still prowl and tease in the small hours, I have better armour and find it easier to call on the angels to help fend them off. I do so wonder if that sacramental union in the marriage has some real mysterious depths. Desiring closeness to Christ and love for husband can not be separated.

Keep us in your prayers, as I do you.

Having said that, patience and charity are being somewhat tested by elements in the Catholic blogger world. Suffice to say; I'm really pleased that some of you profess to love Jesus, I'm just glad you do it some place else, because if I met you I'd struggle not to give you a jolly good pasting. Beware of becoming too big for your own blog, beware of becoming Sadducees, your religion is unappealing.

Meanwhile...

2011-05-02T12:00:00.003+01:00

What is going on?

How unwise can we be? Libya (what part of establishing a no fly zone does killing the son of the ruler cover)...rejoicing over the death of OBL (how crass, how we will regret this)

We are ruled by infidels.

Maybe Blake was right and Jerusalem was builded here (Europe and the US not just England), we are certainly paying the cost for our unfaithfulness. Jerusalem is ruined, we have no leaders with merit.

Isaiah chap 3

For behold, the sovereign, the Lord of hosts, shall take away from Jerusalem and from Juda the valiant and the strong...the captain over fifty, and the honorable in countenance, the counselor, the architect and the skilful in eloquent speech.

And I will give children to be their princes; and the effeminate shall rule over them. And people shall rush one upon another; the child shall make tumult against the ancient, and the base against the honourable.

A pox on you; Obama, Cameron, Sarkozy! Seek ye wisdom before you drag us all to witness Hell.

Married Life

2011-04-30T13:46:00.003+01:00

Here is how married life is for me whilst my husband remains unconscious and fighting for his life.

Intensive Care is amazing and the nursing staff and doctors are inspired. However it is not a place I can linger in. I am made to feel welcome and they always have time to speak to me about my concerns, however, it is exhausting for me to watch and pray there. The mask of sickness that obscures my husband is both grotesque and strangely beautiful, but it is hard to look through this mask and touch his soul. I have to come away.

I have been very fortunate to have been able to get to Mass nearly every day since he went into hospital. It is at Mass where Love and Truth are presented to us and where shadows of anxiety, fatigue and loneliness are transformed into something beautiful and sustaining (even if exactly what is just out of reach). It is before the Blessed Sacrament that I can be closest to my husband by placing everything in our lives before Our Lord.

Back at home, there are certain domestic chores that have to be done and which can become a prayer in themselves; cooking, cleaning, washing, ironing, light gardening all done with cloistered silence and steady care are both therapeutic and of more significance than the sum of their parts. They can still the body and still the mind. This is very different from the frantic cleaning and tidying I indulged in whilst the adrenaline was still kicking around in the early days of this situation. Being busy for the sake of it, is something worth ditching; hyperactivity and me do not get on.

I am continuing to go to work. That is therapy too, of sorts. My employers are very considerate. And it is good to be laughed at by my 11 year old pupils for getting a simple addition sum very wrong.....

Married life continues, it is important I keep it prayerful and still, he has not left me and I will not let go of him until told to by the Lord.

Update

2011-04-23T08:41:00.006+01:00

EASTER SUNDAY

Husband is still critical, but his condition has stabilised. There is still along way to go but the doctors are sounding more optimistic.

A Blessed Easter to you all!

Haec dies, quam ecit Dominus; exsultemus, et laetemur in ea.

Thank you so much for your prayers, I don't know what I'd do without you. It is thanks to your prayers that he has received the Sacrament of the Sick and that a priest had the time to stay with him so that we could say the rosary together.

No significant change in my husband's condition....

You can't fault my husband's timing..the emptiness of Holy Saturday just about sums it all up.

My husband has a great devotion (and they have been devoted in return) to St Paul (who he was named after), Blessed John Henry Newman and to his guardian angel. Say a prayer to them, if you will...

May God bless you all.

2011-04-22T10:46:00.004+01:00

Please say a prayer for my husband who finds himself in Intensive Care, sedated and being artificially ventilated after coming down (very rapidly- less than 20 hours) with pneumonia. He is not well, he already has COPD and fibrosis, the doctors are not cheery.

After leaving him at hospital last night, I went to watching at a nearby church, in fact, there were two in walking distance of each other so I watched in both.

Something new struck me last night. Normally when I go I just think of Our Lord's words Could you not watch one hour with me? and it seems right and fitting to make up somehow for what the Apostles failed to do, and as God stands outside time, Jesus can draw comfort from our prayers.

I always start watching by reading the seven penitential psalms. I don't know why I do this, a few years back it seemed like a good thing to do, so I try to keep doing it. Last night, it struck me that the sighs of the psalmist are our cries down the centuries; in our suffering and in our acknowledgment of how deep we have sunk in the quagmire of sin. That God so loved us as to provide the ransom for this state is overwhelming. We kneel before the Altar of Repose not just to do something that the Apostles failed to do, indeed our gesture must hurt the Lord sometimes when we casually forget him at other times; beneath our holiness lies many pratfalls. We keel before the Altar of Repose to respond to His love, receiving our chalice; it is our "fiat".

I got home to to a telephone call telling me just how bad my husband actually is.

For la Mamma...

2011-04-21T17:33:00.005+01:00

For anyone laid low this Holy Week.

I have no real tips, I struggle with prayer, I'm struggling with the rosary (sometimes I can't remember the mysteries and often I find I can't recall my Aves and Paters)so all that is put to one side, sometimes it is best just to let go. I am finding silence really important; there is so much to hear in silence, but with the hot weather it is not easy to find unless it is very early in the morning.

Here are a few words from some far wiser than me:

Firstly from Fr Gabriel of St Mary Magdalen O.C.D

..if we turn to God, we shall never be disappointed; even if he does not alter our situation or take away our troubles, He will console our hearts interiorly, in secret and in silence, and will give us the strength to persevere...

If our life and all its events, even the most painful ones, did not rest in God's hands, we should have reason to fear; but since everything is always in His hands, our fears are groundless and we should not be dismayed.

Secondly from Bl M. Therese Soubiran.

I believe that all You do and permit is for my good and my salvation, and I abandon myself to Your guidance with love and trust and without anxiety, fear or calculation.

Both quotes are taken from Divine Intimacy.

Remember, prayers said in suffering are very powerful even when they come out all rubbish and confused....

You are in my prayers.
xxxxxxxxxxxx

Desert Wandering

2011-04-15T16:07:00.003+01:00

This Lent, I’ve been wandering in the desert with Moses. Somehow, I’m finding the Book of Numbers very rewarding . I bought the Holy Father’s latest book on Jesus of Nazareth, but I’m struggling to read it, I don’t seem up to academic texts, no matter how beautifully they are written.

Chapter 20 of Numbers deals with the incident that is referred to in Psalm 94, “harden not your hearts as at Meribah, as on that day at Massah in the desert when your fathers put me to the test”. In the past I’ve been put out by this chapter because the punishment inflicted on Moses and Aaron seems a little steep for their “crime”. Moses would not lead his people into the promised land and Aaron would be dead by the end of the chapter. I just could not work out what they had done to merit this. They just seem to have the pastoral needs of their people at heart and ask God to help them in their distress. Isn’t that what the leaders of God’s people are supposed to do?

Looking at it afresh it now becomes a disturbingly real and seems to speak a great deal of how we should behave towards our spiritual leaders and how they should respond to us.

The chapter starts with the near seditious murmurings of the people. They are looking back to a fictitious golden age in Egypt, they are dissatisfied. Their physical need for water overrides their trust in God. This is not a good state to be in. This is what Lent is all about; trying to dampen down our kvetching about the state of things and how much better things would be if only……, and trying to shut-out the voice of our physical needs and let God in.

God’s justice is never cruel, it is merciful. Moses and Aaron have responded inadequately. They respond primarily to the physical needs of their people, imploring for yet another (soon to be forgotten) miracle. Their pastoral work does fall short of what it ought to be. They have not responded by teaching the people to have faith by example, they have wanted to keep them quiet. I’m reminded of the disciples when the Canaanite woman implores loudly for her daughter to be cured, the disciples ask Our Lord to get on with it to shut her up.

So God is rightly disappointed with Moses and Aaron, they have sought to “people please” over and above putting the love of God first. It might not seem much of a crime, but look in any parish and you can see the damage it does. Mummy wants her little girl to serve at Mass even though she yawns and looks bored, the Children’s liturgy group want the kiddies around the altar after the Consecration every Mass (even though they are rowdy), the Music ministry team want hymns nobody else has heard of and even though Father isn’t quite sure they are theologically sound…..Father gives in to their demands, Father doesn’t want a fight, Father wants to try and show everyone he is here for them, Father’s exhausted and dispirited, Father can’t stand arguments, Father feels weak, Father has no authority, Father wants to say things in his sermons but he lacks the guts for the murmurings that may follow.

Father has forgotten to put God first. What is happening to him is not that different from what happened to Moses and Aaron.

As parishioners, we must in all charity stop murmurings before they cause such things, the consequences of not doing so have been shown to us more than adequately in the Old Testament.

This charming man

2011-04-12T13:40:00.004+01:00

Some time in the late 1980s, I found myself in one of the bars of an Oxford College. It was probably Brazenose; geographically, this would make sense. However,I was not an Oxford University student, I was just on a bit of a bender with some chums who were.

We were sober, well more sober than the 4 wealthy gentlemen propping up the bar. They seemed to find my flat northern vowels amusing and they certainly found it "quaint" that I was drinking/ordering pints of bitter. I tend to ignore such "southern softie" ignorance, but they seemed determined to engage me in conversation. Having ascertained my provenance as a "Manchester Lass", and having suffered a chorus of "ee bah gum Lass", they then, with some sincerity, told me how much they liked the Smiths. The Smiths were a popular band from Manchester at that time, though I have to admit I found them lumpen, insincere and overrated. The 4 gentlemen were so impressed with their knowledge of popular culture that they started singing a "hit" of the Smiths called "This Charming Man" complete with wavey, affected hand gestures. If they had been attempting to chat me up or even engage my interest, then they were an abject failure.

Now, I'm not saying that any of those gentlemen is now our current First Lord of the Treasury, but they represent a certain type of Oxford Student that exists to this day. I wonder if it has occurred to Mr Cameron that many 17-18 year olds simply do not aspire to an education at Oxford, partly because it is full of people like him.

Just in case you are bored...

2011-04-08T13:46:00.006+01:00

I sincerely hope you aren't bored, but if you are can I recommend you fill out a questionnaire on a little known blog called the contemplative catholic. I will not link to it for reasons that will become obvious if you read it, but you will find it listed at the Britcat repository of all things Catholic, British and blogged.

I trust my gentle reader will answer sensibly and with orthodoxy.
Take your time and beware of questions like "is the Pope infallible?"

On a better note, you may wish to try the excellent blog The Hearth of Mopsus, probably the best blog from a good Anglican Rev who is probably not coming over any time soon.

ALSO
Thank you all for your prayers, I'm very touched by your response.

Diary of sickness

2011-04-06T13:45:00.004+01:00

I'm reluctant to turn this blog into a sick-ologue, however, illness does rather consume me at the moment.

If,to quote Blessed John Henry Newman, "everything hitherto as been for good" then I really ought to find blessing in my infirmity. What shall I pray for? I've not admitted this to anyone before, but I've not prayed to get better. I don't know why this prayer won't come readily to my lips, but I'm not sure it is ingrained on my heart.

I've prayed to God that I hope I will not let him down in my service to him.
My more specific prayers are that my marriage may continue to grow in strength and that (more bizzarely) I don't let my Year 11s down. I really don't know why my current classes of 16 year olds have so ingrained themselves on my heart, but there they are and whilst I stagger into work, primarily it is for them. I just ask God to prevent me from becoming pigheaded and believing in my own importance, I've asked him to help me know when it is time to stop and to "go on the sick".

I've still not got a definite diagnosis, though they have a "strong hunch". We have a new professor on the case, sadly he has brought half his patients with him from his previous hospital so getting my next appointment is proving a battle. Another six months of tests and scans may be in order before they get round to an operation and possibly a lengthy convalescence.

I refuse to separate body and soul, to concentrate on sickness of the body is to deny sickness of the soul (something we all suffer from). I'm trying to see my sickness as a mortification of the body for the benefit of the soul.

I cannot see my body as something that can be cured by doctors. Perhaps, because they take so little interest in me as a person, everything they do is intrusive. I feel like a prostitute, I've consented for them to poke and prod (this isn't rape), but I have yet to see any "good" coming out of our transaction. I look in the mirror and can hardly recognise myself, a sick and tired person stares back (like I'd woken up to find myself 30 years older).

Perhaps this picture by Picasso say something here, it is called "Science and Charity". Look how introspective and in the dark the man of science is, it is "caritas" that illuminates the scene.

The Lord keepeth all them that love him- Psalm 144

In the pink

2011-04-03T19:51:00.005+01:00

Shell has a good post on the need for Marriage Education Rather than Sex-Education

It did however leave me feeling slightly uncomfortable. What niggled at me was the quote from Mother Angelica (of EWTN fame) that women who have never had the desire to be mothers would make terrible nuns or religious sisters. As a woman who is neither a religious sister or a mother, I feel a bit affronted that anyone should claim to pass judgment on the fitness for purpose of a woman who has never felt the maternal instinct. Indeed it is something I have only ever felt once; a sharp pang I had in a card shop in Wigan on seeing a card that a son could send his mother on Mothering Sunday, it hit a nerve as I realised I would never receive such a thing. I fleetingly sensed an emptiness and sorrow in my life, that I have not experienced since.

I do however feel the need to unpack Mother Angelica’s truism to see if it reveals anything of depth and value.

A maternal desire for children is biological and normal (and may be spiritual in origin) in women. I’m also staggered at how strong the urge is in some of the teenage girls I teach; it seems so natural yet is so very frowned upon and culturally shocking that anyone under the age of 25 should be desiring motherhood. This is a sad reflection on society rather than a reflection on young women.

However, maternal desire is not a spiritual gift, it can be both good and bad. The desire to have a child to meet ones own ends and needs is very real (and much pandered to in modern society) and also wrong.

Surely the ONLY desire that can drive any of us is the desire to know, love and serve God. All other desires, be they good, subsist within the one desire. Surely then the desire for children is not a necessary desire implicit to fulfillment within the female consecrated life. It is simply one of many that may be fruitful within a vocation. I’d also have to argue it is not a necessary desire for fulfillment within the vocation of marriage; especially those marriages that are childless (for whatever reason).

The workings of the universe as desired by our Creator (and brought about through love), has been given a tag by Fr Barron and the tag is one that I spend a lot of time contemplating; spiritual physics. There really is a spiritual physics being enacted as we try to order our lives to the Gospel. In my case I can testify to a physics of fruitful fruitlessness that is a reality and a blessing. Just perhaps, this is no different to the fruitfulness of the consecrated life. Just perhaps, not all women are meant to have a maternal instinct. Just perhaps, not having a maternal instinct can also be a fruitful gift from God.

2011-03-19T20:40:00.004Z

It is neither wise nor logical to play a game of brinkmanship with someone who is more unhinged than you are.

What the blazes are we doing in Libya?

Lenten stuff

2011-03-16T20:43:00.001Z

I remember aged mother-in-law getting all huffy when family and local priest kept telling her she no longer needed to fast during Lent, she was exempt for being old and frail .

I’m not altogether sure all our urges to undertake Lenten penance are entirely wholesome, however everyone likes to feel they can do their bit and I remain to be convinced that telling anyone they are exempt in highly legalistic terms does any good either.

I’m reminded of this because of my own physical condition. I’m still awaiting a concrete diagnosis though the main culprit does appear to be my pancreas, and I do seem to be getting worse. Naturally, many are saying, Lenten observances should be overlooked in my condition.

Hmmm.

Lent is about overcoming passions, emptying yourself to those things that usually drive you through the day but which ultimately are nothing more than distractions.

If I enjoy food and look forward to it , then I should moderate it.
If I enjoy fine wine and look forward to a glass, then I should cut it out.
If I enjoy a juicy novel and make time for them in my schedule, then I should use that time for something else: prayer.

The problem is sickness can leave a person entirely anhedonic. I think I’m in the desert permanently, pleasures are fleeting and random, the only thing that is habitual is phenomenal tiredness and mental exhaustion.

Is my state making me more holy? I doubt it. I am currently irritable, irrational, obsessive and bored. What this does mean is that it is also harder to grasp at anything spiritual unless it bombards all the senses or it is approached in utter quiet and solitude, I cannot cope with even the slightest distraction.

This is a very dry land indeed, this desert of sickness.

So what to do? For me, my Lenten journey will be perverse. It will be about seeking more joy in the wilderness and not about seeking less enjoyment.

Novena of Grace

2011-03-02T20:25:00.006Z

Devotion to St Francis Xavier is about the one thing that in the past united both sides of my family. His connection with my Chinese relatives is easy to understand, but I'm still not sure how devotion to him became so big in Dublin. The Novena of Grace starts Friday, this year I will be starting it too. The scans I have taken are of the leaflets I found in a box at my mothers that once belonged to my Irish grandparents. Somehow, I feel it is time to reconnect with this devotion.

Most amiable and most loving Saint Francis Xavier, in union with thee I reverently adore the Divine Majesty. I rejoice exceedingly on account of the marvelous gifts which God bestowed upon thee. I thank God for the special graces He gave thee during thy life on earth and for the great glory that came to thee after thy death. I implore thee to obtain for me, through thy powerful intercession, the greatest of all blessings--that of living and dying in the state of grace. I also beg of thee to secure for me the special favor I ask in this novena. (Here you may mention the grace, spiritual or temporal, that you wish to obtain.) In asking this favor, I am fully resigned to the Divine Will. I pray and desire only to obtain that which is most conducive to the greater glory of God and the greater good of my soul.

It is then customary to say:

V. Pray for us, Saint Francis Xavier. R. That we may be made worthy of the promises of Christ.

O God, Who didst vouchsafe, by the preaching and miracles of Saint Francis Xavier, to join unto Thy Church the nations of the Indies, grant, we beseech Thee, that we who reverence his glorious merits may also imitate his example, through Jesus Christ Our Lord. Amen.

Then add 3 Our Father's and 3 Hail Mary's in memory of Saint Francis Xavier's devotion to the Most Holy Trinity, and Glory be to the Father 10 times in thanksgiving for the graces received during his 10 years of apostleship.

Dear Bishop...

2011-02-23T15:01:00.004Z

Sorry, friends but as this is my blog, I do feel I have a right to say that I am very anti petitions. Petitions are all a bit "studenty", they seem to be the favoured means of engagement of aging, dubious German theologians and quite frankly, is going running to papa every time you feel the playground bullies are going to spoil your fun, really the best way of doing things?

I propose an alternative: write to your Bishop, I've even got the letter here ready for you to use...

Dear Bishop [ insert as appropriate]

I am writing as one of your faithful flock to tell you of the great joy I have experienced since the Holy Father issued his Sumorum Pontificum and clarified the use of the 1962 Roman Missal. I am writing to thank you for [actively supporting the Holy Father's wishes/ not overtly impeding the Holy Father's wishes/ being adjacent to a diocese where I can get to Mass in the Extraordinary Form]. I want to tell you of the marvelous fruits of this endeavour.

Firstly, I will tell you how it has enhanced my own relationship with Our Lord. I have become more aware of the sacred mystery inherent in the Mass. I have become more aware of the sacrificial nature of the Mass. I am able to more actively participate in the Mass due to my more fervent prayer. I am wanting to spend more time with the Blessed Sacrament, I have refound my love for Eucharistic devotion and have become a more frequent user of the sacrament of Penance. I am [not] old enough to remember this Mass first time round, and it has been a real joy to [re]discover its beauty.

Secondly, I want to tell you about some of the other fruits of Sumorum Pontificum. [insert as many of the following as you see relevant]. The sheer number of young people who are inspired and invigorated by the Extraordinary Form and interested in discovering more about the liturgy and the faith. The happiness of the priests who have taken on the challenge of learning the older form. The happiness of the elderly who have longed to hear and participate in the old rite again. The opportuntites for evangelising to members of the SSPX who furtively turn up to these Masses. Finding other like minded souls who want to learn more about plainchant/ the history of our faith/ Latin/ lace making. Not being embarrassed by our liturgy when talking to Anglo-Catholics.

I hope this gives you a flavour of how exciting and invigorating the integration of the Extraordinary Form of the Roman Rite into our worship has been for me [and my family]. I just had to write to give witness to green shoots now now sprouting from the vine as a result of this clever grafting by the Holy Father. I am hoping and praying for your [continued/growing] [intrerest/support/ lack of indifference].

Yours faithfully,

here's where I lose friends....

2011-02-21T21:09:00.001Z

The docs have stopped my medication. The reason seems to be so that I can be really ill for my next hospital appointment! This means the old brain isn’t functioning quite as lucidly as it ought to. However, I do feel, even in this state, I’d like to add something to the Liturgy & Tradition debate; especially in light of the petition that has been got up regarding impending “clarifications” to the Sumorum Pontificum. I don’t like gossip, I don’t like anything that smacks of fear or the spreading of distrust and some of the blog world does seem to be full of just that. Yes. I appreciate most of those who are grateful for the more widespread return of the older form of the Mass are like wounded hounds with long memories; they’ve been kicked once too often. I remain sympathetic to their cause and I am a first hand witness to the pain and suffering they have had.

My worry is that those who would call themselves Traditionalists with a capital T, are fast becoming Traditionalistas and are in danger of seeing themselves with a separate (and special) identity within the Body of Christ (a non-Catholic, revolutionary, disruptive thing and therefore not a good thing).

I have three propositions regarding Liturgy and Tradition, I list them below with the conclusions I draw from them. I challenge anyone to pick holes in my reasoning.

1. Paragraphs 80-83 of the Catechism suggests that the Liturgy is seen through the lens of the Living Tradition of the Church. Living Tradition sounds like a paradox but being Christological is able to hold this apparent contradiction together; being both eternal and temporal. My first proposition is that if the sacred liturgy exists to “make present and fruitful in the Church the Mystery of Christ”, changes to the liturgy will take place, have always taken place and will continue to take place, BUT essentially the sacred liturgy does not change. It is up to us to pray it and engage fully with it.

2. It is impossible to improve the Liturgy. No change to the liturgy has ever been an improvement. You cannot improve on something whose function and origin is Divine. Changes are simply changes.

3. Whilst I have more sympathy for the pontiffs who leave liturgy well alone; Benedict XIV springs to mind and my personal favourite Pius XI didn’t tinker extensively, I will argue that all liturgical changes instigated in Rome are essentially pastoral and exist for no other function than to increase the number of souls getting to heaven. Misinterpretations notwithstanding, we have to live with them and make sure their aim is kept in mind and heart.

Conclusions: don’t worry, keep praying and Love the Lord your God with all your heart and soul and mind.

Mummies and Daddies

2011-02-16T20:13:00.003Z

I’ve just read in today’s paper the rather tragic tale of the couple that have gone to the courts to try to get their intellectually challenged daughter forcibly sterilised after the birth of her current child. They are already looking after the first child and say their daughter has absolutely no comprehension of parenting or responsibility towards her offspring. I’m not writing in response to this particular case, but I’d like to make a few observations about the vulnerable and their sexualisation.

Two things spring to mind. Firstly my memories of working with the special needs young adults at a college of Further Education. I was horrified by the woman in charge of the unit. She was one of these bosomy, matriarch types who unfortunately always manage to wind me up. Personality clashes aside however, what got to me was the way she both mothered and sexualised her students simultaneously. I can only imagine how confusing it was for them to hear things like “Aww, give him a love, Tommy looks like he needs a love”, “Are your going to be girlfriend and boyfriend now?”, “Sally, give him a kiss. There that’s better isn’t it?”. She was an advocate of the contraceptive patches for her female students.

Did the students really need to be treated like dolls playing at mummies and daddies? This was many years ago, I assume things now are more enlightened. I’m not saying the students had no sexual feeling of their own, but I do wonder about the wisdom of encouraging them.

Secondly, in such cases, who is the father? Is he a young man with similar learning difficulties? In which case, why should such a couple be allowed to spend so much time together, alone? Or is he someone who is taking advantage of a vulnerable young woman, knowing full well what he is doing, in which case surely his actions are criminal?

Picture this (2)

2011-02-09T20:10:00.005Z

The eloquent, precocious and highly readable (if a little insane) young Patricius, has reproduced a photograph which I too find pretty dreadful.

How can four priests saying Mass be a horrific picture? Well, nobody would disagree that four priests saying Mass dressed as clowns or surrounded by oversized puppets does not do justice to Holy Mass and insults the dignity of the Mass more than usual. But why should a pre-VII photie with yards of good man-lace and altar boys in decent cottas with decent haircuts cause offence? (BTW: I wonder if God is offended? We like the brats that we are, feel righteous indignation for our Father, but it doesn’t mean the Father feels the same.)

To me the photograph does show something very wrong. The building itself, it is far too utilitarian. The picture looks like it could stretch on for miles, an aircraft hangar length room full of priests all saying Mass before a wall of white gloss paint and under the glare of tungsten filament bulbs in naff shades. This doesn’t mean Mass has to be said in a church, but Mass facing a blank wall in this fashion can not possibly make it easy for the angels to surround it with glory.

The question still remains; what does the picture show? Is it Mass in some pre-VII priestly penitentiary or asylum? Is it liturgical training school? Or is it actors learning how to portray priests? The picture is very wrong in many ways.

2011-02-07T20:06:00.004Z

In the interests of continuity, this little blog (that no one reads)will be keeping its layout just as it is. Occasionally and imperceptibly, I make the colours slightly more grey, but that is about it. I find colours noisy and I'll leave Zurbaran's vessles to do all the shouting.

Once more unto the leech...

2011-02-05T20:28:00.003Z

Blogging's light because I'm not feeling great. Whatever is wrong leads to long periods when reading and writing are very difficult, and thinking is out of the question.

I'm going to have to go to hospital for another 3 day fast in March; even more blood to be extracted....

I'm not happy about this, not sure I'm up to it, I'm sort of deteriorating gracefully....

My prayers are with you.

My bit for Unity

2011-01-25T20:17:00.003Z

I appeal to you brothers, for the sake of our Lord Jesus Christ, to make up the differences between you, and instead of disagreeing among yourselves, to be united again in your belief and practice.

1 Cor 1:10

The second reading from Sunday’s Mass sort of clobbered me as I sat there in my pew. I’d been mulling for a few days whether “liturgy is the most important thing, ever” as some claim. I do believe it is. Liturgy is all that can happen in heaven; liturgical devotion will mark the ebb and flow of eternity, it is both eternal and temporal. An eternity without some marking of time is empty. Revelation 22:2 makes it quite clear that there will be some marking of time in eternity. To the physicists amongst us; that’s time without entropy, that’s awesome! So liturgy the most important thing because it is the stuff of heaven. On Earth, liturgy is a mechanism to order us and directs us towards heaven. But there are other means and ways for us to become receptive to grace (always undeserved).

Sorry, I’m rambling, stay with me.

Why was I clobbered by St Paul’s letter to the Corinthians? It is an exhortation to be “united in belief and practice”. Now, what this can’t mean is everyone following a particular rite. To be united in practice is not to be united in rite. Surely purgatory isn’t plagued with hosts of angels beating a particular rite into the unfortunate Holy Souls who preferred some other rite (this isn’t a sin). No liturgical rite is perfect. Because none is the liturgy of heaven. “Belief and practice” is a thing of the heart put there by God, and it prevents us saying John XXIIIs Mass is better than Paul VI s , PaulVs or Sarum or Byzantine or whatever; it prevents division, its focus is on Christ.

Through the Wormhole

2011-01-17T19:24:00.002Z

By some as yet unknown process, this document has just fallen through some wormhole and landed on my desk. I take no delight in passing it on to you.

It is from the Church Times (June 2036)*

Interview with Bishop Felicity Fairweather-Flummery (Bishop of Oxford)

Continuing our series of interviews with the Anglican Bishops of England, the Church Times was pleased to catch up with Bishop Felicity* during her hectic schedule in the Diocese of Oxford. Felicity lives with her wife, the celebrity chef Jenny Bainmarie and their pet goat, Alfred. She had been married, in the past, to the Rev Bob Gland, who is her current tantric sex partner and ministry enabler in the diocese, they separated five years ago, but obviously remain good friends.

Int: Thank you for joining us after your hectic round of confirmations. How do you feel about the current health of the church?
BFF: Well, we have just had a wonderful, moving confirmation ceremony at the Mystical Vibe Tent in the Covered Market. It has been so liberating moving out of the cathedrals. Our tent is circular and allows us to all lay hands on each other in a spirit of love, energy and equality. We have some truly wonderful, talented individuals who have pledged themselves to our church; we have candle makers, academics, therapists and aromatherapists; people from all walks of life! The church is awake and living!
Int: Are you worried about the lack of men?
BFF: No not really. My male colleague and friend, Rev Bob Gland is making steady inroads and recruiting new men to the church with his Sweat Lodge and naked retreat centre in the Cotswolds. There are now 4 of them who grunt and chant in the hills and it is producing a real vibe and masculine energy that will definitely attract more men to the church. God loves men, she wants them to be healed. Healing is slow and painful; they must get patriarchy out of their system and learn to suckle at the breast of the mothercreator.
Int: How do you feel about the strong Roman Catholic presence in the city?
BFF: What can I say? Their style of worship alienates many groups of disadvantaged people and I find it inexplicable that goats are not allowed into their worship rooms. Whilst they do plenty of good works, do you realise they are not Fairtrade or Carbon Neutral and they don’t use organic cotton in their worship robes, one wonders the damage they are doing for being so misguided despite their charitable works and good intentions. We pray for them regularly.
……..

I can’t read what follows, but here is the footnote in the paper.

* The Church Times acknowledges that Bishop Felicity is the appointment of Dr Daisy Dreary, Archbishop of Canterbury (England), within the Church of England (England). However she is not recognized as such by the Church of England (Nigeria) under the leadership of His Grace Dr Ambrose Tennyson Ntologe, Archbishop of Canterbury (Lagos) since the schism of 2020.

Lather

2011-01-10T20:33:00.004Z

Some great Physics:

Entropy: the amount of unusable energy in a closed system increases..

A related truism:

Over time, material things just get cruddier.

Maybe you have to come from Manchester or Salford to be bothered by this, but if you did spend your formative years near the banks of the Irk and Irwell rivers, the following may be of importance. Though I’m not sure it would save you if you ever fell into said rivers.

I know there was some dodgy marketing by this company in sub-Saharan Africa but you have to hand it to the makers of Cussons Imperial Leather that they solidly remain the choice of soap for those whose dialing code now starts (0161). It is a hard soap, not at all flowery, fruity or foamy. It smells lovely. It is subtle and it doesn’t linger on the skin. It used to be packaged in card. It was a pleasure to unwrap and see the shiny paper seal in red, gold and black stamped into the waxy ivory bar. It was also mysterious; somehow that paper seal stayed on the soap even when it was down to an unusable slither. Bar after bar was the same, the imperial seal never came off the bar.

How do you stick something to a bar of soap?

This was one of life’s little mysteries. A mystery everyone knew was a mystery and we were just proud that it originated in our neck of the woods.

Now the soap is packaged like every other soap in plastic wrapping. Mercifully, they’ve not altered the smell or texture. They have however got rid of the Imperial Russian colour scheme, now it is just plain gold. But…..and this is the real tragedy, the seal comes off before the bar is finished. The magic and mystery are no more. And reaching for the soap bars in the local shop miles from my home town no longer feels like an act of loyalty to something special, it is just another bar of soap.

Time to drown the sorrows with a plastic beaker of weak Vimto and a Burton’s Waggon Wheel (other Manc products with a loyal following that aren’t what they used to be) and meditate on the one constant thing in my adult life; the seemingly unstoppable success of the football team I don’t support.

Middle Earth and Lace

2011-01-09T15:25:00.002Z

Some people seem to have an almost irrational dislike of lace as part of the priestly attire within the sanctuary. I have to admit, lace is having something of a mini revival and seeing as decent lace isn’t being made much now, some of the lace albs that are turning up look like they were last seen in Miss Haversham’s boudoir, they look bedraggled and tired.

Machine-made, mass produced anything is hardly suitable for wear in the sanctuary. Let us transport ourselves to somewhere that abhors the heavy machine and the mass produced and really meditate on whether lace is so lacking in the qualities needed for priestly attire. Let us go to Middle Earth.

I think all would be agreed that dwarves would detest lace. It is not of any practical use and it does nothing to enhance the beauty of shiny and sparkly things that dwarves treasure so much. Those rare and talented creatures, dwarf women, have had no time for lace. Making lace needs plenty of light, something in short supply in the mountain halls. Making lace needs flax or silk, fibres that dwarves can not come by easily. Apart from metal and gems, the dwarves are happiest with animal skins and leather, they can work these beautifully and no doubt to clothe the infant dwarf and adorn the female dwarf, finest kid leather from mountain goats will be fringed, plaited, studded and cut in most intricate ways; but lace it most certainly isn’t.

In the Shire, female hobbits will work wool beautifully, they will be masters of the distaff and drop spindle which they can use whilst dandling a toddler on one hip and keeping an eye on a simmering pot of stew. They have the light and wood necessary to build looms and the fabrics will be fine, hard wearing and practical. There is some tatting and crotchet done, which may find its way to edge a handkerchief or a petticoat. No doubt some up-and-coming hobbits will trade with men and acquire linens, silks and probably lace too. But all this is a bit “new-money” and decidedly non-hobbit.

In Rohan, linen is the fabric of choice to be worn under the leather needed for horse riding. The flax will grow well there and on the vast plains the light is good and great looms are constructed for fine, hard wearing linen cloth. The Rohan women like bright colours and the fabrics are often enhanced with intricate cross stitch and geometrically patterned, colourful woven bands. Nothing that will snag whilst riding. No use for lace here.

The Elves do have lace, but not like the lace men make. It looks like the skeleton leaves of Autumn and is made out of thread finer than spider’s web; part spun part sung into existence. Mysterious stuff and rarely seen.

Finally, in the citadel of Minas Tirith, this is where you will find beautiful lace. Lace needs many unmarried maidens with nimble fingers, these maidens need to be comfortable and warm. Maidens who can not be seeing to the stew or young children whilst they are at their craft. Lace is the product of the intricate social structures that develop in the citadel. It is a show of finery in an otherwise rough world. Its fragility mirrors the fragility of the citadel itself. Lace is not a vanity project, it is a protestation of love; to adorn the bride (and the groom), the bridal chamber and the infants cot.

Family funerals

2011-01-07T17:55:00.002Z

This is a bit of personal heartache. I’m sure there are plenty of others in my situation, heavens only knows how they stop themselves getting as bitter and uncomfortable as I now feel.

My paternal grandmother died on Boxing Day, a lovely lady and even if she weren’t, I’d ask you (of your charity) to say a short prayer for the repose of her soul.

All this happened a long way away; too far for me to travel in my current state. However it isn’t the physical distance that is the issue here, but the sheer remoteness I feel from my family at times like this. Both my paternal grandparents were Catholic converts; grandfather most sincerely, grandmother perhaps less so. Their children have all fallen away from the Faith and I’m now the only living, practicing Catholic left. Grandfather longed for his children to return to the Faith, he would tell me “nothing would bring me and you grandma greater happiness that to see your Dad be reconciled to the Church”. Grandfather did not get his wish during his lifetime, it still has yet to happen.

In my grandmother’s final months she did wish to see a priest (and with help I was able to find one who would sit and talk with her). I know she was very grateful. One of her biggest problems was the Real Presence. She was brought up Anglican and whilst she harboured doubts over the Real Presence, the fact that her beloved children fell away from the Catholic Church probably strengthened her low church Anglican tendencies. Torn between love for her children and love for her husband she sought refuge in the “as long as everyone is nice to everyone else, what is the problem” theology.

What annoys me is those that aided and abetted her to keep her views, including a home-visit nurse and rampant Protestant who did much to move her further and further from Church teaching, she should have kept her nose out, but she was one of those women who looks like she can smell something real bad if she just looks at a rosary. Not that my relatives cared much about these theological battles.

I don’t know what happened in her conversations with the priest, even whether she was reconciled enough to make a good confession and how the priest treated her views of Holy Communion.

It is just so sad that when she did die, the priest (a different one) thought it would be best if there was just a funeral service rather than a Mass as there would be no living Catholics present. The priest did allow my dad to say a few words at the funeral, begrudgingly I gather; it is sad my family did not see the reasons why this would not have gone down well. I’m not even going to tell you about the cremation and her ashes.

You see, I should be happy (this is what makes me feel worse). I think my grandmother would have approved and been happy and proud of everything that was done for her. I’m just not a sentimental person, happiness is low down on my list of priorities. Just because everyone is happy, doesn’t make something right. There is an absolute Truth, a Truth obfuscated in sentimentality, lazy thought and poor teaching, a Truth that hurts because Love hurts.

If...

2011-01-03T20:28:00.002Z

If my opinion mattered in the slightest and I if had any influence over anything, these are the things I’d like to see happen in 2011. Selfish things, things that irritate me and I’d like to see changed….

For the Liturgy: I’d ban any sung setting of the Mass that had endlessly repeated Amen, Amen, Amens in it. Eighteenth century composers with big wigs are just as guilty as 1970s composers with tragic knitwear and beige slacks for this. It is wrong, wrong ,wrong. Amen only needs saying once or at most twice in any given context, endless repetition to some dire tune grates on the nerves. Does Jean-Luc Picard need to say “Make it so” more than once? No, he does not. The same logic applies with Amen.

In Education: I’d like to see a “bonfire of the vanities” with the national curriculum. In future all subject curricula will have to fit on a single side of A5. I’d like, once again, to be able to teach Physics, rather than the castrated imposter-subject that is currently part of the National Curriculum (the vital but missing apparatus being mathematics and coherence).

Tax: Get rid of these criminal taxes on things where duty is already paid; inheritance tax and VAT on fuel spring to mind. This could be offset with a shoe tax: higher tax for anyone who annually buys more than 5 pairs of shoes for themselves, an annoyance tax: handed out to those that inflict our children and ourselves with the phrases “you guys”, “OK guys” and “OK kids” and a “Tony Blair tax”: given out to any former public servant who has made millions after mismanaging their office, tax’em till it hurts.

Politics: I’d like to see some small scale feudalism. I’d quite happily tithe myself to a (good Catholic) landowner and promise to do X number of days work for him in return for a roof over my head, a peppercorn rent and the freedom to do what I reasonably wanted for the rest of the time. I think I’d even let him have my vote (did I really say that?!). The NHS can stop providing free contraceptives to those who are currently eligible, this would save millions. And death to the Liverpool Care Plan (state sanctioned Euthanasia; unless you are able to manipulate it).

I can dream…..

Matthew 10:16

2011-01-01T18:26:00.006Z

Joe has made some observations about phobias for 2011, he mentions Tradphobia and Episcopophobia. I have to admit I’m getting a little uneasy with the tone of some blogs with regard to Bishops, as irritating as our Bishops can be, flippancy is no weapon in the fight for orthodoxy. On the subject of Traddies, I’m not sure I know what one is. It seems to be one who is a lover of Baroque finery, but that is hardly tradition as it does not date back before the Reformation. Perhaps, those who won’t go to a Mass where the vestments are Gothic rather than Roman and insist on Latin, if they desire holiness, should be pleased that they are being criticised, and be gracious to their critics.

With the news from Alexandria, as it is today, I am more concerned with another phobia that can infest Catholic circles, Islamophobia. I believe this phobia does nothing but damage the Church. Our example should be the Holy Father and his efforts post Regensburg, Serious and lasting progress towards peace is being made, most of it unreported by the Catholic bloggers.

Without in any way seeking to lessen the tragedy of the bombing in Alexandria, I would like you to consider the following points.

Moslems claim to be believers in the One God. We cannot be in the situation where our “One God” is different from their “One God”. We would then be hypocrites. We could perhaps say, we are believers in the “One God”, you Muslims are not. In which case we are calling them idolators, because what they believe in is false. Can I just say, how unwise it is to go down this route. We too easily forget, or never knew in the first place, that Moslems have a code of conduct which involves acting as a mirror to the behaviour they see around them. In mirroring this position, they would say they were the true believers and we were the idolators; and as they take the charge of idolatory very seriously (as we should) the consequences for us are severe and unpleasant.

Just remember Matthew 10:16: that we are sent out as sheep amongst wolves and that we must be a shrewd as serpents and innocent as doves. Gentleness, humility and shrewdness are called for and this does seem to be Benedict’s winning formula.

Our Lord never gave foreigners, Samaritans or Canaanites a right ticking off. He was most venomous over the Pharisees, who were so close to the Truth but also so carried away with their own egos. Our Lord was also most critical of those closest to Him, those He loved, like Peter.

So, perhaps we should not be phobic over any grouping of people. But righteous indignation may be allowed, perhaps we are allowed to call a whited sepulcher a whited sepulcher. But what is the target for our venom? I say, let it not be Moslems, let it be luke warm Catholics. After all, a Wahabi Jihadi nut job with a belt of plastic explosive would not even be recognized as a Moslem by the majority of Moslems. Let us not fly into a rage over them, but we must pray sincerely for those whose lives are terrorised by those lunatics. No, our target must be luke warm Catholics, they, afterall are likely to damage far more souls. Remember, if we have a target, the target also has a right to use us as target practice (it is the other side of the Golden Rule: do to others as you would have them do to you).

Bring on the luke warm Catholics, we can fight them (in the nicest possible way).

A huffy-fluffy image from a misqoted bit of scripture; lions lying down with lambs, make of it what you will.

2010-12-24T20:50:00.003Z

Tonight the wind gnaws
With teeth of glass,
The jackdaw shivers
In caged branches of iron,
The stars have talons.

There is hunger in the mouth
Of vole and badger,
Silver agonies of breath
In the nostril of the fox,
Ice on the rabbit’s paw.

Tonight has no moon,
No food for the pilgrim;
The fruit tree is bare,
The rose bush a thorn
And the ground is bitter with stones.

But the mole sleeps, and the hedgehog
Lies curled in a womb of leaves,
The bean and the wheat-seed
Hug their germs in the earth
And the stream moves under the ice.

Tonight there is no moon,
But a new star opens
Like a silver trumpet over the dead.
Tonight in a nest of ruins
The blessed babe is laid.
And the fir tree warms to a bloom of candles,
And the child lights his lantern,
Stares at his tinselled toy;
And our hearts and hearths
Smoulder with live ashes.

In the blood of our grief
The cold earth is suckled,
In our agony the womb
Convulses its seed;
In the first cry of anguish
The child’s first breath is born.

Christmas Landscape: Laurie Lee

A Happy Christmas to you all. May the Peace of Christ rest in your hearts.

The unloved village cat has come into our house for the night and it is so cold, I think if I found a rat in the house, I wouldn't throw it out.

Painless

2010-12-22T19:29:00.003Z

As a result of the fall, what exactly did God say would happen to Eve and her descendants?

To the woman also he said: I will multiply thy sorrows and thy conceptions. In sorrow shalt thou bring forth children, and thou shalt be under thy husband’s power, and he shall have dominion over thee? Gen 3:16

Some biological observations spring to mind. Firstly, no other moderately intelligent mammal, has such a short (28 days) cycle for fertility, correct me if I’m wrong but I’m sure the elephant only comes into season once every 4 years (lucky elephant). Is this our multiplication of conceptions? Who knows? Secondly, childbirth can be considerably more traumatic and painful for women than for any other animal, or are we just more rubbish about pain? Is this the sorrow of childbirth? I’m not convinced, surely the real sorrow is entailed in helplessly watching our children when they themselves are suffering or are making bad choices.

I know someone who won’t buy large sized eggs because of the pain the hen must have gone through to lay them. However, I can’t say I’ve seen a hen strain to lay an egg so bad that they looked like they needed gas and air.

There are perhaps 3 types of pain we can feel: pain caused by hurt to the body (a hammer dropped on the toe, for example), the pain caused by our suffering due to our own misdeeds (an injury or illness caused by our poor lifestyles) and the pain caused in us through the fallen state of the world (a childhood victim of abuse, for example, or more controversially perhaps, as a sufferer of an inherited disease or mental illness or mode of living).

One of my favourite bloggers, Taylor Marshall, has published a comprehensive list of master theologians and doctors of the Church who categorically state that Our Lady did not feel pain during the birth of Our Lord. This may or may not be the case, I’m just wary about linking the pain of childbirth to Original Sin or sinfulness in general. I’d say there was plenty of pain we can feel that has nothing to do with our own sinfulness. We are also left with the unanswered, linked, but somewhat distasteful conundrum of whether Our Lady menstruated, if menstruation is a result of Original Sin.

There is, for me, a far more important meditation that can be drawn from this. The fact that the body of Our Lady was for God and God alone. She was perfect for God’s purpose and therefore quite naturally hidden from us. Every artistic representation of Our Lady, every icon, every devotional picture is different, she is hidden from us in direct contrast to her Son. Perhaps we are just not meant to speculate about her body, despite our curiosity.

There is a big contrast here to the controversy that raged during the papacy of Alexander VI; the controversy as to whether Our Lady swooned at the foot of the cross, or whether she stood firm. The pope had to intervene to stop the burgeoning feast of Our Lady’s Swoon and categorically state that Our Lady stood at the foot of the cross; a decision reached through ancient tradition and deep meditation. ( A decision that led to a great number of staggeringly beautiful musical Stabat Maters .)

What Our Lady did, is important. She consented to the will of God. She stored things in her immaculate heart, and she could draw on the supernatural strength needed to stand at the foot of the cross. This is why she is the source of our hope and our mother. This has far more significance than whether she felt pain during childbirth.

2010-12-19T20:53:00.002Z

As someone who braved sheet ice and foul weather to attend the Rorate Mass at the Oxford Oratory, I know that you know that I love the older form. However, I feel the need to comment on the following, I remain to be convinced that the older form ad orientem is a panacea for the world’s ills. My comments in red.

What are the advantages of standing at the altar ad orientem, as I have experienced them over the past two years? I can think of ten straight off:

1. The Holy Sacrifice of the Mass is experienced as having a theocentric direction and focus.

What other direction should the Mass have? It is just easier to be theocentric ad orientem.

2. The faithful are spared the tiresome clerocentrism that has so overtaken the celebration of Holy Mass in the past forty years.

Not necessarily. Unnecessarily ponderous bowing and laboured movements by the priest, deacon and sub-deacon can render High Mass a little too theatrical and “puffed up”.

3. It has once again become evident that the Canon of the Mass (Prex Eucharistica) is addressed to the Father, by the priest, in the name of all.

I personally, like to hear it sometimes, it is such a rich and beautiful thing.

4. The sacrificial character of the Mass is wonderfully expressed and affirmed.

Yes, yes, yes….

5. Almost imperceptibly one discovers the rightness of praying silently at certain moments, of reciting certain parts of the Mass softly, and of cantillating others.

Now put this into practice versus populum in the Ordinary Form of the Mass. Make the Ordinary beautiful, she ain’t no ugly sister.

6. It affords the priest celebrant the boon of a holy modesty.

Yes.

7. I find myself more and more identified with Christ, Eternal High Priest and Hostia perpetua, in the liturgy of the heavenly sanctuary, beyond the veil, before the Face of the Father.

How about some holy humility too? Domine non sum dignus, isn’t coming through here.

8. During the Canon of the Mass I am graced with a profound recollection.

So can the humble pew sitters, so ought the humble pew sitters…

9. The people have become more reverent in their demeanour.

How can you tell? You’re transfixed in the Mass and you have your back to them. What about the odd assortment of random kneelers, sitters and the confused? What about the Missal russlers, the response whisperers and the mantilla fiddlers? And even when the congregation comprises of little miss and mr perfect, can we not be tinged with hubris and esotericism?

10. The entire celebration of Holy Mass has gained in reverence, attention and devotion.

We all desire this. But we ought to desire it both ad orientem and versus populum.

Pre-fisk H-T to Joseph Shaw, who is quoting Fr Mark Kirby courtesy of the Rorate Caeli blog.

Picture this

2010-12-15T16:27:00.007Z

Have I ever told you how much I dislike portrait photographs.

We get seduced into thinking we have a true image, an icon.

St Therese of Lisieux

Perhaps sometimes we do....

Most of the time we don't have an icon, yet we fail to see the distinction between an icon and the iconic.

Mrs Ashtiani

Myra Hindley

Our feelings and moral assessments are based on photographs; half truths, tricks of the light, fleeting expressions caught at random instances. The portrait photographer's art is a sham. Yet we make so many judgments based on the media images we are bombarded with. I mean to say; I've never heard the boy, but purely on image, this is so blinking ridiculous, false, Jimmy Osmond cheesy, there can't be any talent there, can there?

Justin Bieber

Wish list

2010-12-14T19:47:00.006Z

Mrs P aka Autumn has been encouraging us to do a Christmas Wish List. Keeping it light hearted and steering away from wanting a full diagnosis and treatment for my increasingly weary frame, here is a list of delectable consumer products that would be well received in my clammy paws on a Christmas morn:

Firstly, a country girl needs a good pair of waterproof boots and these are beauties, then I’ll want good waxed jacket and hat to match……..

Secondly, some music. I’ve recently been converted to the luxuriant, flamboyant yet unsentimental conducting of Leopold Stokowski: is there a complete recording by him of Smetana’s Ma Vlast? If so, me want…..

I’ve recently discovered this website. Among the eyepopping must haves is this twin cylinder Stirling engine; what a beauty.

Oh and if your not bankrupt after that lot, how about some really juicy, thin skinned, proper tangerines (not your tasteless satsuma and clementine imposters).

Cataract

2010-12-12T21:03:00.002Z

Advice for someone who reads this blog, perhaps it is advice for myself:

When you feel the life sapping presence of the enemy, call on St Michael, he hates being reminded of his former nature, he will soon slink away, it is too much like pain and hard work to put up a fight, especially over you, you don’t really matter.

Most of all call on Our Lady. Nothing repulses him more than the gentle reminder that his head is crushed by the feet of a mere creature.

Text books

2010-12-10T19:18:00.001Z

For reasons too complicated to go into, I’ve been loaned some current Russian Science text books. Even for a language dunce like myself, they make for fascinating reading (I can read Cyrillic but my Russian vocabulary consists of no more than about 40 words). What interests me is comparing them to the Science text books for our teenagers, it is a depressing comparison.

Firstly, nowhere in the Russian books are there pictures of children. Science is allowed to speak for itself, it isn’t incessantly related to “my body”, “my food” or “my trip to the supermarket”.

Secondly, there is sumptuous detail. There seems to be a real sense that it is in the detail that that scientific method can be found. The books even make botany look interesting (believe me for a physicist to admit to this is unusual). I can’t understand enough of the Russian, but in reading them like a child who can barely read, I’m fascinated and want to learn more.

Thirdly they are applied to the “real world”, there are constant links to geology, astronomy, manufacturing and chemical engineering in detail. A real world that exists beyond the narrow confines of the life of a teenager, a grown-up real world.

Fourthly, they are proud of their scientific heritage and the pages are brimming with historical context and pictures on men with sumptuous beards who were responsible for this or that discovery. In the UK we shy away from this, it is believed it will put pupils off science.

I don’t know anything about the education system in Russia, I don’t even know how successful it is, but I just find it refreshing that there are still countries that don’t patronise their young by presenting them with text books that have all the depth and brash sensitivity of Kids TV..

I’m grumpy. Today I was doing a moderately good job of trying to instill in my 12 year olds the wonders of biological cells, their infinite variety and specialisms. Then the darned text book goes and introduces, quite unnecessarily CANCER. Young people in panic mode, wanting to tell anecdotes about dying or dead relatives, asking questions that most doctors would struggle with, teacher wanting to scream “I’m a physicist, get me out of here”, teacher desperately trying to protect the feelings of one pupil whose mother died of cancer last year (but the other pupils don’t know), all beauty and fascination in the subject lost.

Trust me, to actually try to use a text book to teach from…mustn’t do that again, well not in the UK.

Communication and Good Words

2010-12-04T17:51:00.002Z

I do wonder if there has been something a bit wrong from the very beginning. Something that was never allowed to grow and be right because of the Fall. Let me explain:

Adam walked with God in the garden, Adam was created without blemish yet he felt a certain lack of wholeness, even in paradise, even walking with God. God saw to his needs and created Eve. Adam instantly recognised that there was a wholeness about him now that this new creature walked and dynamically interacted with him as his best mate. Yet before he really got to know her (he was still learning) he went off on his own, going after one of his own hobbies, not involving his mate. She, being intelligent and therefore bored, went off on her own too, met a wiley serpent and the rest is history.

Has it not been the same ever since: men and women not really understanding each other, not ever really getting to know the true worth of their relationship? Of course the arrival of sin made the whole thing worse, work in progress stopped in its tracks.

This is a bit of a preamble to a musing I had after reading Terry Nelson’s blogpost on the holy woman Margery Kempe. I dug out her writing again (not opened since my undergraduate days) and perused.

In the section towards the end, she is hauled before an Archbishop and accused of preaching, this is part of her feisty account of the proceedings:

Then the Archbishop said to her, “Thou shalt swear that thou shalt not teach nor challenge the people in my diocese.” “Nay sir, I shall not swear,” she said, “for I shall speak of God and undernim them that swear great oaths…unto the time the Pope and Holy Church hath ordained that no man shall be so hardy to speak of God, for God almighty forbids not that we shall speak of him”
…
A great clerk brought forth a book and laid St Paul for his party against her that no woman should preach. She answering thereto said, “ I preach not, sir, I come in no pulpit, I use but communication and good words, and that I will do while I live”

I’d like to think that Paul’s teaching in 1 Tim 2:12, preventing women from teaching/preaching was rooted in some deep truth and not some embarrassing aspect of sexist history. I’d like to suggest that it shouldn’t be viewed without Matthew 23:8-12 where Christ forbids us to call men Father, Master and Teacher. This is clearly because our Father is in Heaven, and Christ is our Master and Teacher. Men can only teach within the Priesthood (in persona Christi): I just wish they did more of it, I’m sick of lame sermons.

Women can’t be priests so women can’t preach or teach (I mean really, deeply, as Christ teaches us, not the crass stuff I do for a living). Though by our actions and words women (and lay men) should be the best heralds and leaders to the gospels, the best missionaries in the fullest sense of the word.

What is perhaps really forbidden for women (and what was worrying Margery’s Archbishop) is women attracting followers (disciples). Priests have to preach in season and out of season, inspired or not, it is part of their discipline. Women, can and are inspired, but in our default setting we are often laid low with hormones, conflicting emotions, less than inspired feelings, rages and tempers and a gentle insanity unknown to men (who have their own insanities). God appreciates our fragility for what it is, maybe one day the world will wake up to it too.

Windows malfunction

2010-11-23T20:46:00.002Z

I recall that John XXIII made a comment about the Church “opening its windows” onto the world which largely shaped the debate in and around Vatican II. Charitable commentators said he was seeing the Church as a lighthouse and the “window opening” as a metaphor for getting the Church’s message (Lumen Christi) across to the world. Other less charitable commentators had mentioned all the nasty niffs that entered the Vatican as a result of opening those windows.

I’d just like to say that there were many malodorous presences in the Church prior to VII, they were not just a product of its engagement with modernism. I also feel that our current pontiff is doing a very good job of continuing this lighthouse mission of John XXIIIs. People listen to what he says. We must remember that those who have no concept of church teaching and the Magisterium will take note of the man who is pope. The cult of personality is alive and well. The Seewald book that is about to be released is meant to engage with those who are interested in the person of the current pontiff. If through this book people gain a favourable appreciation of the mission of the Church then all fine and dandy. Catholics are not the primary audience for this book. We ought to be more interested in the official encyclicals, letters and apostolic exhortations from the Church that help guide us to a clearer understanding of the mission and being of Our Lord and Saviour, than in the musings of a pontiff. We do not need to be dragged into the cult of personality too, it will not strengthen our faith.

By the way, there are two framed pictures of Pope Benedict XVI in our house, and we pray for his intentions together every night. I do hope you understand what I’m saying.

Latex latest

2010-11-21T17:39:00.003Z

There is a natural, good, common sense that is inherent in all people. It will, I feel, mean nobody of sound mind would contradict the following statement; “Nobody ever masturbated their way into heaven”. People may disagree about the existence of or need for heaven but people are not going to disagree about how to get there (whether or not “there” has any real meaning for them).

Let me take this further. Surely the statement “fornication won’t get you into heaven” is unlikely to be contradicted by anyone, even the most ardent liberal.

Now there are some statements that may have supporters, these statements are less clear cut, but it should be clear however that they are both wrong:

“Wearing a condom will get you to heaven”
“Never using a condom will get you to heaven”

There is a statement that we can make about condoms that is true, and which we should never forget:

“Condoms can never be used in the context of real, divinely ordained, loving intercourse”

Personally, I wish we had the attitude of the Orthodox Jews to the sin of Onan. They are quite clear that the “spilling of seed” outside of a woman’s vagina (and not in direct contact with same) is always wrong. (Though it needs to be added that it is not always right either.) For them condoms are a near blasphemy.

This whole hoo haa in the press is an ideal time to engage with our non-Catholic brethren and our luke warm Catholic brethren, what an excellent opportunity for evangelisation!

Remember folks, we are all Catholic Voices, we don’t need to be Oxbridge educated and from the home counties to speak the Truth.

2010-11-16T18:53:00.002Z

I write like
Robert Louis Stevenson

I Write Like by Mémoires, journal software. Analyze your writing!

Vanity, vanity, this is my forth attempt! Previously, it was Dan Brown, Rudyard Kipling and James Joyce. Am I incapable of writing like a woman!!!?

Remembering the Dead

2010-11-14T13:32:00.004Z

The frangipani trees with white flowers are popular in cemeteries all over the Far East. White is more commonly seen as the colour for death than black.

In the north of Malaysia is a town called Alor Star. I remember driving through there with my grandfather many years ago. It is a dusty town, full of thundering lorries traveling between Thailand and the Malay peninsular. The main street is lined with frangipani. My grandfather told me about the appalling shambles of the battle of Alor Star as the British lost control of the town to the advancing Japanese in 1941.

I picture the frangipani blossom as I remember the dead today. I used to work in a school where there was a memorial plaque to the war dead from the school, two of the boys remembered are cited as “lost, fallen in Alor Star”, a million miles away from the cathedral cities of the West Country. I wonder if their bodies now lie rattled and shaken close to those thundering lorries and luminous while blossom.

I remember also, JW a Chinese-Malay and friend of the family who enlisted with the Chindits. He served and survived Burma, went to live in England, anglicized his name, married a local girl and marriage didn’t work out. By the time I met him, he lived in a condemned Victorian terrace backing onto a major railway line. He was living in poverty, with only his accordion, his calendar of Cantonese beauties, a stone sink and a one ring electric hot plate for company. Maybe not strictly a casualty of war, but a casualty of Empire and broken dreams, nevertheless.

I remember also, civilian casualties, in particular the many Eurasians (mixed-race people- like myself- on the Malay peninsular) who were singled out for exceptional cruelty at the hands of the Japanese. When you’re mixed race, nobody instinctively runs to your aid as a brother, many will assume you are a spy.

I also remember a later conflict out in Malaya and Borneo as the British and her allies fought the Communists in the 1950s. One man who served out there with the Royal Marines, ended his days homeless on the streets of Manchester; taciturn, dignified and haunted. He was not alone and it still breaks my heart when I see ex-service men in destitution on the streets of our major cities.

I pray for the forgotten, especially those involved in conflicts that could disappear off the radar of our memories.

Schoolitis

2010-10-31T16:49:00.003Z

Suffering from schoolitis. This job would be OK if I were well, but I'm not.

My God, let me never forget that seasons of consolations are refreshments here, and nothing more. Here they are only intended to prepare us for doing and suffering. I pray you, my God, to give them to me from time to time, lest I go about my daily work in a dry spirit; but let me not rest in them. Let me use them for the purpose for which you gave them. Let them carry me forward to the thought and desire of heaven.
Blessed John Henry Newman, pray for us

Scary old bat

2010-10-30T15:02:00.004+01:00

To the girl in the supermarket all excited about her impending Halloween party, who said to her mum, “I love Halloween, its tonnes better than Christmas!”

Oh how I’d love to have done my scary old bat routine and said the following to you:

Let me tell you about those men and women who have gone to “die to the world”. They have given up all ambitions, career choices and material goods to spend each day and night praying for your soul. When you can’t sleep because you’ve been watching that film of your brothers that gives you nightmares. Or when you can’t sleep because of those nasty texts your “best friend” sent you. Or when you are just scared at what the world holds in store for you; your fear of failure, not living up to the expectations of your parents, and your ambiguity about the so called pleasures of this world. They are awake, praying for you, fighting for you and what lies buried deep within your heart.

Have your Halloween fun. I’m not here to stop that. Just stop and think about the promises of Halloween. What does it promise?

It promises a fun evening with some good fun planning what to wear and what to do and what to eat.

Anything else?

It promises the chance to let go and admit that there may be a supernatural element to this world.

Anything else?

It promises mischief and misrule and a few laughs.

Anything else?

It glories in the dark, in the scary, in the cold, in the secret and in the fearful.

Anything else?

No, not really.

That’s right, it is empty and it won’t sustain your life or provide you with lasting happiness or peace. It won’t help when the terrors of the night really do come calling. That is when you will have need of those friends you never knew you had, those praying for you here on earth and those praying for you in heaven. Without their help, there are only the promises of Halloween.

Choice?

2010-10-28T19:27:00.005+01:00

Left Footer has posted the following moral conundrum:

If I had a button on my desk, and every time I pressed it a child would be saved from abortion, and lightning would strike and kill an abortionist, or pro-abortion legislator, or facilitator, or vociferous and effectual promoter, or someone who legislates or agitates to forcibly teach my grandchildren the rightness of intrinsically immoral acts, then what would I do?

I feel the need to add my penn'orth to this:

Some years back someone close to me wanted to have an abortion, she was 24 weeks pregnant and had "just" decided she didn't want the baby. I was scandalised and offered to take the child as my own, she wouldn't do this and procured the abortion, getting her mother to pay for it. I sought some advice and solace from an enclosed nun I knew. She told me there was no choice, life must always be saved, it is never a matter of choice.

This has stayed with me, some things are not a matter of choice; life is one of these things.

Is it not the case that it is the Devil's tactic to offer us choices? Are choices really that far removed from temptations? OK, choosing whether to go to Edinburgh or Glasgow university was a choice I made and not a diabolically instigated choice at that, but there are so often in life choices that affect others and these are the ones that I think should be looked at with caution. If you are faced with a choice and that choice affects others who have no real opportunity to remove themselves from the influence of your choice, then my guess is that choice is not a real choice and is actually diabolically inspired.

Your decision when faced with that choice will be based on your feelings and feelings are very unreliable.

Could it not be the case that those that stayed with Our Lord on Calvary did so because they could not do anything else, it was not an active choice? Those that thought about what was happening chose to flee.

I'd argue that Our Lady never made a choice in her life by weighing up pros and cons, she was always motivated by the desire to serve the Lord.

So there is my view; desire should always trump feelings and choice must be avoided where possible. The original philosophical proposal stinks as do most of this genre because they presuppose we can rationally make decisions and choices (and that some of these may even be correct), when really it would be better if we never did anything of the sort.

Post script: please read Joe's interesting and more disciplined philosophical musings on this theme here

2010-10-27T14:20:00.004+01:00

Not much to say today apart from the fact my latest trip to the consultants has left me with a black eye. My husband is mortified and keeps worrying people will think he did it.

The only other thing to add to this is that there is a very definite battle going on in this house with him who shall be given the least amount of publicity other that to acknowledge his deviousness, pettyness and small mindedness. To arm oneself against this foe the only recourse is the Eucharist, but in the dead of the night and in the stultifying bleakness of the early evening when we seem to be at our weakest, Blessed John Henry Newman is a powerful intercessor. Read his prayers and buy a book of his devotions and meditations if you don't believe me.

Sigh....

2010-10-25T20:57:00.005+01:00

Our school librarian has informed me that the school inspectors do not like to see books in the school library that are over 5 years old, apparently the children have no interest in "old" books.

Well how about jolly well fostering an interest in old books, eh?!!!!

I'll leave it to Louis MacNeice to put this into words:

To Posterity

When books have all seized up like the books in graveyards
And reading and even speaking have been replaced
By other, less difficult, media, we wonder if you
Will find in flowers and fruit the same colour and taste
They held for us for whom they were framed in words,
And will your grass be green, your sky be blue,
Or will your birds be always wingless birds?